Running low on my Mojo

So I've spent the last few days seeing about what extra studying I could do to prepare for this test over the Respiratory system/Water & Electrolytes/Acid-Base balances. It's incredibly hard and incredibly boring. I am systematically drawn to the conclusion that there is no way on earth to make this stuff fun to learn. I absolutely detest it and have decided that no matter how much I try to study it, it's all going to flow right out of my head as soon as I close my eyes and I'm going to fail the test. But I'm okay with that b/c everyone else is in pretty much the same boat. Good news to report. We found a little house to rent and are moving in shortly. It's very small but hey, that's just less for me to clean and believe me that is a good thing b/c I dislike cleaning with a passion. Another bit of good news, a wonderful benefactor has bestowed on me a new spinning wheel! Yes, it's awesome isn't it? I was discussing how I wanted to try a Saxony style wheel and she said "Well, I've got this nice wheel sitting in a box in my garage. It's a few years old and it's a walnut finish, but you might like it." Um......ya think?!? (And believe me, it's that one price that you can't beat but I promised I wouldn't spread it around b/c she's afraid the manufacturer's would get wind and give her crap about it, so this is all I'll say about that.) So I came by the next night on my way home from school and picked it up. It took my husband two hours to put it together! No wonder she wanted to get rid of it. It's quite lovely though and it spins just beautifully. I can't say the name of the manufacturer (again, I promised) but I'll just say that I've named her Anya after her native region. God blesses me in the strangest ways sometimes, but I'm certainly not complaining. I have an interview tomorrow as well for a third shift position with a lab. If I remember correctly, the last time I interviewed with them the pay wasn't that great and that's why I turned them down, but at the time I had no experience either and it was nearly five years ago so maybe the payscale went up. We'll see. If it's the job God wants me to have, I'm sure I'll know. I really really need a new job. The further along I get in my schooling, the less tolerable I become of my current employement. My co-workers are frustrating me more and more and I'm starting to dread going to work. That's pretty bad considering I have the easiest job in the world. I know that I always get low in Winter quarter, but I'm getting down right depressed. This quarter sucks and tomorrow I'll be flunking a test. I need a recharge or something. I can't manage anything more that perfunctory knitting d/t time constraints so I've been doing a lot of work on the socks for my Dad's upcoming birthday. I managed to finish another skein of three-ply out of some leftover Corriedale roving I had and I think I did well. I'll post pictures if I remember to take any. I'm tired. So I'll be going to bed now. Good night mom and dad. I love you too.

Roses help, but Thorazine would help more.

Ok, my last post is proof of why I should never be allowed near a computer when I have PMS. Seriously. "Why doesn't anyone like me? Waaahhh, waaahhh, waaahhh!" Oh puh-leeze. I want to tell myself to shut the hell up. So anyway, back to reality. We're house hunting right now b/c the parents will be moving back into their house on March 1, so we need to find a place by then. Today we looked at a couple of possibilities, but I just don't know. The biggest problem we have is the DH. He's got a felony record and it's for a charge that (wrong as it was and despite the fact that it's under review for a Governor's pardon) folks don't like to see on an rental application. If we were in a position to buy a house that would be so much better, but alas we are not. We will be in five years, but that's five years and we need a place by March 1. So it's in God's hands now along with my job situation. Because of the emotional rollercoaster I've been on as a result of all this, DH bought me roses in my favorite pink-orange shade:

Works well independently. Doesn't play well with others.

So in today's sermon, the pastor discussed how the church (and our church especially) needs to work more on fellowshipping. He said we have too many cliques and that it needs to end and we need to learn to make new friends and love one another and be more like the Acts apostles who ate, studied, and lived with one another. In short, we need to get to know each other and stopping staying in our little cliques. Now, I'm in no way shape or form a member of a clique. I'm very anti-clique due to my upbringing. I really like the idea of tearing down walls in between people and seeing everyone get along. As long as I don't have to be actively involved in the people part. I've always been a behind-the-scenes kind of person. I really was that kid whose report card always said, "Works well indepedently. Doesn't play well with others." My dad always glossed over the latter part and praised the former. My dad was a commanding officer in the US Army and his job was counter-insurgency /anti-guerilla warfare. (You know, the stuff they make movies out of.) In his line of work, it wasn't necessary to get along well with others. He was a leader and as long as his men respected him and did as he told them, everyone came home alive. He told me that being able to work well indepedently meant I never had to rely on somone else to get my work done. So I didn't. I wish now that he would have tried to teach me how to make friends. Mainly because I don't have any anymore. The few friends I did have all moved away and now I have my husband and my kids. I have aquaintances from work and church, and they're all great. But they're not Friends. Not the kind you call in an emergency. Or the kind you know won't roll their eyes at your silly dreams or plans. Not the kind you can trust without a doubt around your husband and kids. I can't even really think of my husband as my friend. Friends aren't interested in seeing you naked all the time. He's my husband, it's not his fault. I asked him today if people thought I was a dork and he said, "It depends. Usually yes because you have interests that most people don't care about. None of the girls at church knit or spin and their eyes glaze over when you talk about it. If you talked about things that people cared about then people wouldn't think you were a dork." Screw that! Why would I want friends who didn't care about what I cared about?! Maybe I'll make friends in Nursing school. Maybe I'll make friends when I'm a doctor. Maybe I'll never make anymore friends. My mom told me I should socialize and then I would make friends. My husband tells me I'm fine as long as I'm not talking about knitting, spinning, or school. It looks like I'm going to be friendless and a dork forever then.