In which I have experienced a miracle first hand

I'll admit it. I didn't really believe in miracles. Not really. I believed some pretty awesome things happened to people, but I didn't truly believe in miracles for the ordinary person. That is until I was blessed with a bonafide miracle today. Well, yesterday really since as I'm writing this it is two o'clock in the morning. So anyway, I had to go to court yesterday for something that could have gone very badly for me. I've been worrying about it for a month now and everyone's been telling me not to worry b/c God was going to take care of me, but I didn't believe them. I wanted to believe them, but I just didn't. I prayed though. Oh, how I prayed. I prayed every day, several times a day. Not just asking God for help with this situation. We talked about a lot of stuff. Then I asked him for a miracle. I was even specific about what I wanted Him to do. Today He blessed me with that miracle in exactly the ways I'd specified. It would have been crazy except that I felt Him with me and I knew it was Him and I wasn't scared. I was just thankful. I truly can do nothing apart from Him.

I passed my skills midterm! WooHoo!! After spending the last week practicing sterile technique, wet to damp dressing changes, draining wound dressing changes, applying TED hose, and a myriad of bandaging techniques on my kids and stepson (he really liked letting me practice wrapping him) I took my test today and I passed with flying colors!

Photo Update On The Knitting and Spinning!

This is the finished Irish Hiking Scarf. I'm so excited to wear it. I can't wait until the weather is cold enough!

This is the Alpaca Hell One Row Victory Scarf. I went through spinner's hell to get this roving spun into a decent yarn and I'm knitting the One Row Handspun Scarf pattern by the Yarn Harlot, Stephanie Pearl-McPhee.

This is the Alpaca Hell doing a little sunbathing on the back deck. Ignore the unmowed lawn. It's been raining alot in Southwest Ohio.

The Alpaca Hell is such a well behaved little skein. Look at how prettily she wound herself up.
I'm currently on something of a Finish-It-Up kick. I've been knitting on a couple of projects for quite some time and I need to get them off the needles before beginning any new big projects. (Like the new sweater I'm swatching for. A Mirage from More Big Girl Knits) My next FIU project is my mom's Highland Triangle Shawl. I'm working on things in order of when they were started and technically my Celtic Icon Hoodie was first but it's a big project so it gets worked on along with everything else. It'll probably be the last item I finish of the list before starting the new sweater.

A Lovely Day

I was sure that when I went to bed this morning (ahem, it was around three o'clock) that I would not be getting up for church today. I was sohoooo wrong. See, the Father has his own plans and I am not capable of discerning them. His plan was for me to go to church today. I needed to be in church today. I feel so much better and, of course, that was why I needed to be there. There were quite a few messages that I needed to receive. I really am glad I went. Then we went to my folks' house for a backyard picnic. The weather was perfect and I felt so blessed to be a part of it.

See, this is why I don't get on well with other women

Why are women so competitive and catty? Why does it always have to be about who's right or wrong? Whenever you get a group of women together you can usually count on some sort of cattiness occurring and I'm so tired of it. Literally, I'm physically worn out from dealing with it. Why does it always have to be a pride thing with women, like you're somehow less worthy because you're not right all the time. This is why I have so few gal-pals. I'm not like that. At least, I make a conscious effort not to be. I've always got along better with guys and I think that's why. I really value female friendship, but not at the cost of my sanity. Especially right now. My life is just too hectic for the drama. I give all my drama to God and He handles it just fine. Today my spirits are higher than they have been for the past couple of days. I'm still fighting those demons of doubt that creep into my heart and whisper all the worst case scenarios that can occur with this legal situation of mine, but God is whispering to me too and His voice is infinitely sweeter and more soothing to my aching heart. He tells me to not grow faint and to trust in Him alone. He loves me and no matter what comes, He will be there with me and walk right by me through it all. My times are in His hands and He wants me to know it. I'm trying to be strong, but I'm only a girl and my strength is limited. I need help now and then.

So I've been doing good with eating healthy for the past couple days and then there was today. I walked into muffins and doughnuts at work and oatmeal peanut butter chip cookies at my mom's (um, yea, fresh oatmeal peanutbutter chip cookies). Can a girl get a break here!?! I did good though because I knew I had to watch the videotape of myself conducting an interview with a patient from last week's clinicals and I wasn't expecting it to be pretty. I was right. It wasn't. I was so glad I'd walked away from the muffins, doughnuts, and cookies. It also didn't help that my patient was a soldier recently back from the Middle East and hot as hell! I'm such a porker! *sniff* At least I'm working on it, right? I'm going to go shower now and try to block out the siren call of the cookies mom sent home with me for the kids and the husband. They're sitting on the counter so I had to look at them each time I went to check on the skein of handspun I was soaking. Glad to report, they're still sitting there. I need to go soak myself now and rewind that videotape.

I've been fat for eight years now. I used to be a "runner", an "athlete". Now I barely spend any time at all working out or running despite easy access to a state of the art fitness center at my university and a top-notch treadmill in my bedroom. I used to be hot. I used to feel good when I woke up. Now I'm sluggish and lethargic. I don't eat well, I don't exercise and I make excuses all day long. "I'll start tomorrow","It's my time of the month"," I don't have time." The usual. I buy Oxygen magazine every month and read it cover to cover every month. I adore Tosca Reno and Bob Kennedy. I think they are fantastic role models. I think Oxygen is the one women's fitness magazine you can really trust. The models are beautiful. They are not skinny. They are the epitome of beauty; strong, sculpted and still exuding femininity. Oxygen shows what a real fitness role model should look like. I want to be like them so badly, and yet I'm still fat. I really don't know why I keep falling off the wagon. Each time I get back on again I feel great about myself. I feel energetic and steady but then something happens and I'm thrown off. It could be a comment from someone, or seeing myself in a reflection at a bad angle, or simply having a bad day. I start feeling sorry for myself and it's all to easy to just sit there on the floor where I fell off. My husband, God bless him, doesn't help. He tells me he loves me no matter what I look like and he doesn't say a word when I yo-yo. He just loves me and he doesn't want to anger me or hurt my feelings. He really does want me to lose weight. He would find me more attractive if I was at a healthy weight, but he doesn't want to risk hurting my feelings by saying anything to make me feel like he doesn't love me and find me attractive in my present condition. I know my life wouldn't instantly improve with weight loss. I'm not foolish. I do know that if I was exercising regularly and eating well I would be better able to deal with the day to day stress and I would feel better overall. I would be more secure and more confident which would help me to relax more easily. Oh my, well, what's a girl to do?

So much has been going on in my life that I scarcely know where to begin, if I can even tell it all. First of all, school is rather nutty but going fine so far. I'm in some legal trouble right now that I'm faithful God will stand by me through AND move a mountain or two if need be. I'm having a lot of problems because of it though. Financial, of course, and emotional. I feel like right now everything is somehow related to this business. I have a small ulcer that is probably much bigger by now (at least it feels like it from all the pain I've been having) thanks to the stress. I'm keeping a positive outlook, but sometimes I just want to cry. I feel so overwhelmed and if I didn't have God and my family to turn to I'd probably be in a ditch somewhere. God, I really don't want to go to jail. I really don't want my kids to have to suffer through that. I really don't want to mess up my schooling, and my future. It was a stupid mistake but I've since done all that can be done to correct it so it's in your hands now and there's nothing I can do about it except pray for a miracle. I know I'm a little emotionally on edge right now, so it must seem like everything is more painful, but tonight at work everyone just seems to be feeling hateful and I'm walking away every few minutes so that I don't start crying. I want my babies so I can hold them. I just want to disappear.