Follow Along with the Madness

Hello Darkness My Old Friend

2009-08-15T03:05:00.002-04:00

School is over for the summer and now I'm getting that feeling again. That Simon & Garfunkel "Sound of Silence" feeling. Time is mine again, in a manner of speaking. I have time to write. Time to knit. Time to dye (yarn folks, yarn). Time to make soap. Lots of soap. I'm overwhelmed by how much I want to do and torn by the desire to do nothing and soak in the silence. I have books to read, always books to read, and so many ideas to tend to. Storylines are running through my mind like trains in the subway, going every which way. I definitely need to sort those out. For now I think I will just pull and old but very useful trick out of the hat and grab my Black 'n Red and jot down everything.

Soccer Camp and Mittens

2009-07-14T22:19:00.003-04:00

Soccer camp started yesterday and it's going just brilliantly. Noah and Malachi are naturals (thanks to some good genes) and are absolutely loving it! We had some trouble getting Malachi psyched up for it tonight because he needed a nap (me too! I was up for 26 and a half hours straight and then only got to sleep 9 hours) but it only took a small bit of motivational speaking (involving me saying "Fine you can sit in the car while Noah plays" to get him back in the game, so to speak. The weather has been beautiful and just perfect for the kids to play in. Not too hot and not too humid. So far only one whiny kid and he didn't come back today so my thoughts are he won't be playing this year. I took a few pictures yesterday of the kids and a couple of videos too. I'll post those tomorrow when I can link up with faster Internet at the university. Until then, ta ta for now.

Update

2009-07-12T16:06:00.003-04:00

I've not had a lot to talk about lately so that's why I haven't posted. My focus has been on losing weight, working, school, and knitting (of course). I haven't had time to do a lot of spinning but it's coming back on the priority list as I'm hearing the siren song of my wheels and spindles grow stronger each day. Maybe just one more mitten pair before I fall prey. Bad news: I hurt my back at work last week. Good news: it was all muscular with no disc involvement and ibuprofen and muscle relaxers have cured it (thank God! I was afraid I'd have to give in and get a cortisone shot and some Vicodin). I've gotten more work done on the book too. Mostly research but hey, that's more important than some folks like to think.

Head....Hurts....Ouch

2009-04-21T21:57:00.001-04:00

I woke up (forcibly mind you) with a headache and a fever. Once up I noticed I was achey all over. Eeeewwww. I hate being sick. I'm really bad at being sick. Mostly I just lay around and sleep, waking only for the necessities and to take more medicine. Speaking of which.....

Some Things Just Suck No Matter What Kind of Spin You Put on Them

2009-04-20T11:41:00.002-04:00

So I had to drop back a track in my nursing program. After I had one tire blow out on my truck I ended up needing new brake pads, rotors and calipers for my front brakes. I didn't have the money for that plus tuition plus textbooks so....... no school for me this quarter. Let me explain, for those of you not involved in a structured clinical program, what that means. Unlike other degrees, one cannot simply "take a quarter off" and then jump back in the next quarter where they left off. You have to get the entire staff of the School of Nursing involved. They have to save you a clinical spot and give you a new counselor and make sure the admissions team knows they will be admitting one less (sorry but I'm sure you'll get in next time) applicant for the new class. It's an embarrassing mess (yes, I asked my parents and no they cannot afford it either.) Once that is all said and done you have to wait until the clinical rotation you were either in or supposed to be starting comes up again. In my case it was Pediatrics and Obstetrics and it won't be up again until January of 2010 (the next Winter quarter). Nine months away (approximately). I will be taking some non-clinical classes between now and then to stay up with that but to say I've been a bit of a funk is a dramatic understatement. I've been in this field long enough to know I'm suffering from depression. Sub-clinical yes, but depression nonetheless. Knowing this I have purposefully made an effort to do non-pharmacological things to get out of the funk. I've been getting on the treadmill with increasing regularity. I'm back on a low-carb eating plan. I've got a (basic) list to follow every day that reads:

Get out of bed.
Get dressed in clothes other than pajamas.
Shower.

Like I said it's a basic list. I fell into the trap of WoW too and today I decided to make a concerted effort to stay away from WoW because it is the mother of all time suckers and motivation suckers. Today so far I've done steps one and two but not three because I'll be getting on the treadmill before too long. I've also read some very entertaining blogs about life in Scotland (*sigh* soon, it will be soon) and am planning on getting started on finishing a pair of socks I started around Christmas. Speaking of Christmas... it's time to get started on my Christmas knitting or I wont ever be done. It's raining all week here so I can't start on the soap making yet but that will be before too long also. It's also my 30th birthday this week so I'm trying to decide on my birthday present to myself. I've pretty much narrowed it down to the new Blackberry Storm. I've played with one a few times and each time I like it more. We'll see what the week has to say about it though. Also, since I've still got my book list from this quarter I'm planning on purchasing one of my textbooks each pay period and getting started reading according to the syllabi's so I can really have the material down pat come Winter quarter. You don't want to half-ass it when it comes to kids and neonates. Well, that's about it for today. Now that I have more time on my hands I'll probably be updating more frequently. I may even sit down and get back to work on my podcast. One never knows.

My shrinking butt and why I sometimes feel bad for celebrities.

2009-02-22T09:56:00.003-05:00

So I upped my treadmill workout to 45 minutes today and , DAMN it felt good! I could literally feel the fat on my butt melting away. Yay! But then again, it never belonged there and frankly the nine years it's been there just has been nothing but a pain. So buh-bye. Now, on the the celebrities thing. I seriously do feel bad for them sometimes. My latest "celebrity sympathy earner" is Robert Pattinson. He plays Edward Cullen in the Twilight movies and the poor bloke just was NOT prepared for how famous he's become. I mean he can't even get a haircut without the whole world going apeshite. Apparently the hair he has when he plays Edward is actually marketed! Who markets a hairstyle?????!!!! Please people, it's just hair! So poor Rob went and got a haircut and pissed off a nation of teenage girls who just can't accept that just because he plays Edward does not mean that he is Edward and therefore does not have to keep the same hairstyle for eternity. So here he is with Edward hair:

And here's the infamous haircut:

I think he looks smashing. Very sexy Rob, don't worry about it.

Twilight and I make a Hat!

2009-02-15T17:19:00.002-05:00

My oldest son turns nine on the nineteenth. He's been after me since November to see the movie "Twilight" because that is his big thing right now. Edward Cullen is his hero and after borrowing the first book to see what the big deal was about (and to verify it was suitable for him to read) I ended up getting the second, third, and fourth books and finishing them that very weekend. It's a pretty good little saga. Not classics material but good, fast, and pretty satisfying. So I took him to see the movie yesterday and it was not bad. It varied from the book, as most "movies based on the book" do, but I enjoyed it. I plan to purchase it when it's released to DVD next month. It has also reinforced the need for me to drop about 140lbs. (It was a bit of a squeeze getting into the chair at the movie theatre.) So for Valentines Day I asked my hunny to move my treadmill into the living room so that I have no excuses to NOT use it. Right now it's in the bedroom and since we moved the dressers around, I can't bring the belt down to use it anymore. Makes it too easy to just say no to working out. Not good. *sigh* Back to grindstone. On the bright side, I made a hat!

Midterm Update

2009-02-03T17:55:00.002-05:00

We are officially halfway through Winter quarter and I'm up to my eyeballs in studying and careplanning. Had the first of the tests last week. Got a 78 on one and at 98 on the other. (What the hell happened there?!?) Have another test this week in Nursing Research. THAT's gonna be a toughie. I love my teacher to death but this is THE most boring subject I have taken in a loooooong time, and I'm in day one of my six day straight stretch at work. That is sooooo wrong. I'm the ONLY person of all three shifts who has to do six days in a row every other week. It's enough to give me a complex. It would be easier if my primary coworker wasn't just this side of an infant in his behavior. To say he throws temper tantrums would be a stretch, but his passive-aggressive behavior is more annoying. For example, he doesn't like to work while he's there and he manifests this by trying to conveniently disappear at every interval he can. I've seen him leave to take a stack of papers around the corner to the south station and then follow one of his many "buddies" around chitchatting while said "buddy" stocks linens in the patient rooms. This takes a good twenty minutes each time. His bathroom runs make me think to suggest he needs more fiber in his diet considering how very long it takes him to "go." He even had the audacity to decide he was going to call off on a Saturday night because he was upset that I had called off the previous week due to an injury. I knew he was planning to because I'd overheard him when I left that morning. I mean really. At least I quit my job at the restaurant. Yes Mom, you and Dad were right, it was too much to be doing. I know you told me so. I love you too.

A Bit of an Update

2009-01-08T17:29:00.003-05:00

Yes, it's been awhile. I know. I've been a little busy with the three jobs and school starting back this week. Understandably, I'm a bit tired. Ok....I'm a LOT tired. And I really wished there was some way to do this without sacrificing time with my family, but alas I've yet to find it. My kids are really great about it. I am so blessed. My kids, my parents, my husband, my job(s), my schooling. Not everybody has the support system I have or the brains to handle the craziness of my life and still pull an "A" average. If I can just figure out a way to get running back into the schedule I'll be good. I have an idea but it'll mean sacrificing a bit more sleep but in the long run (no pun intended) it'll be better for me.

Still waiting on Him. Patiently

2008-12-03T16:53:00.003-05:00

So far I haven't heard back from any of the hospitals regarding my resume with exception of one form letter stating that my resume was not selected. I know what the problem is going to be for this round. I'm overqualified to be a PCT and since I've been in the field for almost six years now, my paygrade is on the upper end of the scale. Something will come through though, I just know it. If it doesn't though, I'm prepared for that too. My gig in the ER isn't bad, I'd just prefer to work three twelves instead of five eights. I'd also prefer to use more of my nursing skills than just phlebotomy. I'm good on the phlebotomy. Really. If I could actually be starting the IVs that would be more helpful but Miami Valley Hospital's policy doesn't allow the phlebotomists to start IVs. It also doesn't allow those folks with the training for it (student nurses, paramedics, etc) to start IVs unless they are working in that capacity for the hospital (So all the student nurses and paramedics working for the lab but who aren't working for the hospital can't start the IV even when it's obvious that we could do it faster and with better accuracy than the nurse who is trying to start it.) I can't tell you how many times I've been asked by the nurse to start the IV "Just this once, I promise I won't tell." Well at least I have my interview set up at the restaurant on Monday. That is some good news as long as we can get the babysitter issues straightened out. That is another reason the three twelves would be better than the five eights. It's easier to find a babysitter to cover the shifts. Faith. I have to have faith. On the flip side.... have you seen the video for Devour by Shinedown???? All I can say is DAMN. Hot boys rocking hard. Can a girl ask for more? Ok, maybe seeing a little more of the tats and less of the hair. Btw speaking of tats, check out Nick Perri's:
Damn.

2008-11-23T16:19:00.003-05:00

School is officially out until January 5th. I did well on all my exams and I did well overall for the quarter. Now I can relax and just worry about finding another job to pay my bills while I fork over 820 dollars a month for the next three months to pay for my school tuition. *sigh* I'm so very tired and the mere thought of having to work three jobs again is simply daunting but in all honesty... there is no other way. I'm still working on my soap business but as anyone who has started a business from the ground up knows, it's slow process. I need prayer. Lots and lots of prayer. I've put my application in for several (alright six) positions at the hospitals and one of those positions would definitely be a fighting start because they are all twelve hour shifts leaving me with two more full days off each week to do school work or work somewhere else. I put my application into the restaurant where my husband works to be a waitress part-time. If I get it at least that will be cash each night and that will help immensely. Oh Lord, help me hang in there and wait on you.

2008-11-15T16:59:00.002-05:00

I'm not the type of knitter who can afford much of a stash. I'll be honest, I get jealous of those knitters and spinners that can afford to walk into a yarn store or go to a fiber festival and just drop loads of cash (paper or plastic) on skeins of yarn and loads of fiber. I know I shouldn't be jealous. I have so much in my life. I have beautiful children, a wonderful husband, and I was blessed ultimately with the intelligence and ability to do anything I want to do in life. I have the best parents one could hope for, at least the best parents for the type of person I am. God knows what he's doing. Never doubt that for a second. Regardless, the basic human in me still gets jealous. Of course I do. So naturally, being that I'm a knitter and a spinner, when I get jealous it's of those who have the ability to amass that which I desire to amass one day. My husband says I have a stash. It doesn't really count as a stash by most knitters definitions. It's just a few skeins of sock yarn and a couple of sweaters worth of worsted weight. You know how husbands are though, if I'm not actively knitting something out of it... I have too much. And yet, I'd just love to have a stash like that of Stephanie Pearl-McPhee or Franklin Habit or even Eunny Jang. Is it wrong to sometimes motivate myself through the tough times at school by reminding myself that when I'm making real money I can finally afford to buy some luxury yarns? Better studying with thoughts of cashmere and silk? Beats drinking and drugs any day.

Oh Goodie!

2008-11-09T00:39:00.002-05:00

The election is over and now we will have a new president to blame the woes of our country on instead of ourselves, aren't we all happy? That being said, we can move on to the really important subjects...like Christmas is less than sixty days away! WooHoo! I just love Christmas don't you? Well maybe you don't if you don't celebrate it, but if you do don't you just love this time of year?!? It's magnificent. The decorations, the lights, the music, and not to mention the all important reason-for-the-season. (Don't start with me about how Jesus was born in September and how Christian traditions were taken from Pagan ones. Duh, this ain't my first rodeo. It's a moot point now so get over it and just grab some hot chocolate already.) It could be that I'm so especially excited about this Christmas only because it is the first break I've had in five "quarters" of school. I'm off from Nov. 20th to Jan. 5th. Yay! I get to knit. I get to spin. I get to read a book that has nothing to do with school (though some probably will anyway) and, oh yes I almost forgot, I get to work. I'm looking to pick up a part-time gig to get some money for school now that i'm paying out of pocket. It's going to be tough though because of the childcare issue but I'm sure God will work out a way. He knows we need the money. Oooooh, and I've got some fabulous new ideas to try out for the soap! I'm so excited. Just three tests and two quizzes left until the quarter is over!!!

Babbling to take a break from studying.

2008-10-27T01:10:00.002-04:00

So here I am, taking a break from studying pharmacology and I figured I'd get a post in. I got really pissed off at the dog today. I awoke to find that she had nosed her way into a bag of mine and made quite the mess of a skein of Opal Gems sock yarn and a skein of Alpaca With A Twist Highland. They're salvageable but it's a job that will have to wait until winter break b/c it will take me an entire weekend to do. Needless to say, the dog is now staying on her chain in the kitchen if I'm the only one home and sleeping. Nobody messes with mommy's yarn. Nobody. Maybe it would not have ticked me off so much if she hadn't had two bones and a chew toy right there next to the mauled yarn. Brat. Well, like I said, it's not a crisis but it really torqued my bolts. Good news to be had though, have finished first sock of Comfy Autumn socks and have cast on for second sock. It's my own pattern and it's fairly nice so I'm quite pleased with myself. It's not my first sock pattern so I'm not bubbling with pride, just pleased. I adore Mountain Colors yarn. It's so soothing to work with. The touch of mohair softens it just right. My next projects are going to be as follows: finish the Celtic Icon hoodie, knit camo hats for both Noah and Malachi (Really it's just to test the camo-ness of the yarn to see if it will make a proper camo sweater as they both have requested. If not, the search continues for the perfect camo yarn.), mittens for both children, myself, and the husband, then onto the sweaters for the boys - in superwash wool this time (I guess two pairs of socks AND a sweater were just not enough to teach Chris to ask before throwing an item into the washer). No Christmas knitting this year, other than handknit handtowels to accompany the soap that people will be receiving. I will be making the next batch this week. I will be making milk soap AND another batch of HP. I'm so excited to try out my new fall fragrances. Yummm.

2008-10-21T07:00:00.002-04:00

Are you thoroughly bored of this election nonsense? I am. Let's face it. The next four years are going to suck. Politicians are politicians. They will tell us whatever they think we want to hear in order to buy out votes. Both are on the change bandwagon. Change? Oh please. What a cop-out. ANYTHING other than what we have right now is going to be a change. But I'll tell you honestly, it's only going to be change of scenery. Politicians are not the answer to the problems faced by this nation. A President is not where the power resides and people fail to realize this time and again. The President is an ICON, not a moving force. Me personally? I'm voting for Vanhoofen. She's the only candidate I trust.

On a lighter note, I'm happy to report that Christmas is only 64 days away and I've learned that Christmas is indeed celebrated with gusto in the UK, Scotland included. Notice that I said with gusto and not "with the same commercial emphasis that we have here in the States." I find this comforting because I really love the Christmas season and I was concerned we'd be the only family in Scotland with Christmas lights on our house and a tree in the window. We won't. The closer I get to graduation the happier I get about me decision to go abroad. Of course, I'll have to wait for Chris to finish culinary school, but I need time to get experience under my belt before I apply to the NHS. The process to obtain a visa, a job, and get all the necessaries taken care of before pondjumping is a long one. It will be worth it though. Who knows, maybe I'll go to Oxford for medical school!

Apocalypse Now

2008-09-15T00:18:00.003-04:00

So there I was, trying to get some sleep before my shift at the ETC tonight and I'm woke up by a loud BOOM ( along with my whole house shaking). Turns out it was a tree falling on my roof. I wandered clumsily into my living room to find the house without power and under the siege of a vicious windstorm. Trees, toys, you name it, were all flying around 'Dorothy in the tornado' style and all hell was breaking loose. At least, that's what it looked like. Ominous was as close a description as I could manage and even that didn't totally hit on the feeling one got when viewing the chaos. So we packed up the kids, the dog, and an overnight bag and hightailed it to my parents house where power and cable were still intact. The kids and the husband are camping there tonight and who knows what we'll do tomorrow. According to the paper about 200,000 are without power and the powers that be are estimating it will be 2-3 days before everyone's power is restored. To give testimony to my level of concern... I dusted off both of my wheels and placed the travel wheel snugly in her padded carrying case and had my husband put Anya in our room away from any windows. I'm not losing two of my favorite toys just because Ike wants to throw his weight around. The real shocker was when I came into work. Driving the ten miles or so to the south campus was like driving through a post-apocalyptic movie set. No lights anywhere except for car headlights and few candles burning in houses here and there. It's a complete blackout. The hospital is on emergency generator power. Most of the computers are down. The lab looks like a CDC war zone and we are filled to the brim with patients. The odd thing is I just watched the movie Doomsday this afternoon. By the way, if your contemplating rentign it....don't. What a waste of an hour and a half. Every other word was f**k and the plot was along the lines of Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (waaaaay beyond Thunderdome) meets Wrath of the Ring Wraiths. Basically it's your killer virus, '28 Days Later' esque, post-apocalyptic horror flick. Add in a little medieval flair just for the hell of it and place it in my beloved Scotland (the origin of the virus is Glasgow and they turn the whole of Scotland into a quarantined hot zone which kind of offends me though I don't know why). If you haven't seen it yet, wait until it comes out on cable, otherwise don't waste your money. It's okay for a bit of a "B" movie night. Right now I'm just wondering if I'll be able to get back to my house in the morning and whether the power will be back on. The hell of it is, I just went and bought some groceries yesterday when I got off work.

It Must Just Suck to be You

2008-09-14T05:19:00.003-04:00

Ever wonder what possesses a person to try and make someone else's life miserable? I have a theory. I believe most of the time it's just plain old jealousy. You envy someone. You wish you could be them and then since it's obvious that you can't be them, you get pissed and so do whatever is in your power to try and make their life suck. I'm not sure if that's what's going on in my life now or what but it's obvious that someone wants to hurt me and my family. Because of them we now have a difficult situation we're facing and it's all ridiculous. Some of the people involved are acting hypocritically even while they accuse others of it and everyone involved is emotional. It's not fun. My husband could go to jail. If that happens I'm not sure what will happen with my schooling. I would probably have to stop. This may be exactly what the person wants to happen. It's an odd thing, jealousy. See, it eats at you and inspires you to do things that you normally wouldn't do. Once you do them it's too late, even if you come to your senses and realize what everyone else already knows, that whatever pain you cause won't change your life for the better. You'll still be the same sad, weak person that you always have been and eventually the people you hurt will recover and they may even find out it was you who hurt them (that is, if they don't already know.) That in and of itself may turn out quite badly for you, depending on how angry they are and how far their sphere of influence reaches. I don't know who started this whole ball rolling but I do know this; God is in control and I trust Him. I love my husband and this changes nothing. I will continue with school no matter how long it takes and we will reach our goals together. It may require relocating or cutting off ties but whatever it takes, I'm sure I can do it and still be okay. All I can say is this, "It isn't easy being me, but it must just suck to be you."

Well THAT sucks

2008-09-05T01:10:00.007-04:00

So I went to my yearly eye appointment the other day and they had a new opthamologist working. My exam was going along fine as usual and then he got that look on his face. You know that look. It's the one your doctor gives you when something is wrong and he's working out how to tell you without freaking you out. Turns out I have a condition called Corneal Neovascularization. It's a fancy way of saying that I have veins growing down into my cornea. It happened because I used to wear my contacts for waaaaaay too long and didn't change to new lenses often enough. I also didn't clean them properly. He wasn't in a panic about them because he said the damage looked old and all but two of the veins had regressed into ghost veins which means that the condition had improved. The right eye is worse than the left and he told me if I was just anyone he'd take me out of contacts permanently but that he thought he could trust me to be compliant and so he put me on some strict contact lens restrictions. I had to switch to a lens that allowed more oxygen and was wetter because I also have dry eyes. I have to go contact lens free one day a week. I can't wear my lenses for more than 14 hours a day (less is better) . I have to change my lenses every 21 days (instead of 30) and I absolutely have to clean them every night. The good news is if I follow the instructions and be a good girl, the two remaining active veins will regress into ghost veins like the rest and I can continue to wear contacts indefinitely. If I don't, all the veins will fill back up and start growing down until they reach my pupil eventually causing me to go blind. So how was your day?

Really? I mean,.... really.

2008-08-31T00:26:00.002-04:00

So I've made mention of these half-wits I work with before right? So the latest is that the "I have no self-esteem so I'll act like I know everything, sleep with whoever will have me, and to hell with what my kids think" gal is now going to the strip clubs, getting totally wasted and acting an ass in front of other co-workers. It's pathetic but it's also very sad. I know she has no self-esteem, but it doesn't help to keep making oneself look even more unappealing by behaving like we have no self-esteem. Hmmm.... doesn't seem an effective tactic to me at least. She'd be better off just taking a break from the manhunt and taking some time to be with her kids and get her shit together. Finding that one special person is important, but it shouldn't distract from the rest of your life. And if they really are the right person for you, you won't have to act like a desperate, drunken slut to get them to notice you. And for the love of all things good, fat girls should not be wiggling it (not even a little bit) when alcohol is involved. Trust me, I've seen the after effects (particularly in the video format - not pretty.) The only wiggling I do now is for my husband, or for the humorous benefit of the dog when I'm on the treadmill. Either way, my tailfeathers have been retired until my tail gets back down to the proper size. Oh, and one more thing... I've said it before but I feel the need to say it again with some force "JUST BECAUSE THEY MAKE IT IN YOUR SIZE DOES NOT MEAN YOU SHOULD WEAR IT." Nuff said.

Turns out exhaustion creates lots of invisible friends.

2008-08-30T00:35:00.004-04:00

Malachi cheezing:

The ER where I'm at when I actually have time to blog. It's been nicknamed the Beverly Hills ER because it is very posh. There are flat screen tvs in every room. The rooms are huge and they look like inpatient rooms instead of ER rooms. They are about as high tech as you can get. And since it's located in a more suburban location and NOT certified to accept any trauma higher than level three, it's really not that busy. The patient populatin consists mostly of chest pain, ab pain, various other pains and a lot of other wussy complaints that really should have waited until they could get in with their family doctor. On occasion we do get real emergencies and they usually get transported to the main ER. Now THAT place is hoppin. When I work there, I don't have time to breathe, much less time to blog. But I love it. I love the atmosphere, the traumas, everything. When I work there, I actually feel like what I do matters.

I just had to include this:
I don't know why, but the other day I slept ALL DAY. And I do mean all day. Seriously. I got off work at 0730 and was in bed by 0830. I woke up at a quarter to four when my husband got home with the kids. I was up until seven-thirty and then this amazingly powerful wash of fatigue hit and I was out again. Maybe it was just that it was the first time in awhile I was able to lay in bed and cuddle with my honey. Until my period started the next day (I know TMI, but it relates so let it go) I swear I thought I was pregnant b/c that was the last time I'd experienced fatigue of that magnitude before. Well, obviously I'm not pregnant. Maybe my body just knows what's coming with this new quarter starting soon and it's resting up. On a brighter note, I only have one week left at Dayton Ear, Nose & Throat! Yayyyyy! After almost four years of bull!@#$ I think it's finally time to let go and say goodbye. One of my co-workers said, " You're going to miss this hellhole." Um,......NO. I hate even having to go in for these last few days. I've been ready to leave for the last three years, I'm not regretting my decision now. I wish I could say I was leaving it in good hands but aside from my boss coming out of retirement to clean up the clusterf--k that her replacement caused, there is no "good hands." The new people are idiots and the semi-new chick has issues, no make that subscriptions. In a word, she's flippin crazy. They are so screwed. Oh well.
So the soap thing is going well though. Still waiting on my molds to start the CP batches, but I've done three HP batches and they've all turned out really well. I just made a batch of oatmeal/cinnamon/nutmeg soap and it's ugly as sin but sinfully delightful! Speaking of sin, I have a new "sin" if that's what you can call it. I am absolutely fixated on Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. More so on Samantha. I don't know why their relationship fascinates me so much, but it does. It's really Samantha that fascinates me. She's very laid back and she seems really cool and she's absolutely hilarious to listen to in the videos she's got posted on her MySpace page. I don't know why the media is making such a big deal out of their relationship. It's not like they're the first lesbian couple in Hollywood. They haven't even officially come out with their relationship status so everyone needs to chill. I know that sounds odd coming from a Christian but I'm not one of those homophobic Christians. Nor am I into the cliche "love the sinner, hate the sin" If homosexuality truly is a sin, then it's no worse or better than being obese, smoking, or murder. Sin is sin according to God, so let it go. Besides, Jesus said, "Love one another as I have loved you." Let it be. If they're happy, let them be happy. Everyone has to live their own lives and in the end we all answer to the same judge and jury in a one-on-one session. Back to the subject, If Lindsay and Samantha are a romantic/sexual couple, it's their business and no one else's. I personally think they look very happy together and make a cute pair. Plus, Samantha seems to keep Lindsay on an even keel and she's not looked this healthy in a long time.
Anyway, so I didn't get the podcast recorded because of the knockout fatigue so I'll have to try again next week. At least I have the notes all written out!

Killer Mutant Viruses and Soap

2008-08-21T17:11:00.003-04:00

It's over and I survived! I took my last final of Summer quarter yesterday and I'm pleased to report I passed and all is well! It was a particularly daunting Pathophysiology final but I managed to eek by and for once, eeking by is alright with me. I'd been down with a killer mutant virus for the two weeks leading up to this so studying was not an option. I was lucky to convert oxygen to carbon dioxide let alone study disease mechanisms, etiology, and pathology. I've finally recovered from that nonsense however, my voice has not. I'm one of those people who (thank God) don't get sick very often (think, like, once a year if that) but when I do, my voice is the first thing to go and the last to recover. I'm operating at about 95% right now, but I still ribbit occasionally. Hopefully I'll be completely recovered by this weekend because I'd like to record for the podcast. I've been making soap and I'm going to dye a little and I'd really like to share the experience. Plus, my kids will be with my husband and his family camping and fishing at the lake. I have to work but at least the house will be quiet. I'm making them take the dog (hehehe). Oh, God is so good to me. Not because the house will be quiet or the family gone. He just is. I just know He's going to bless my soap business and allow me to pay for school and still see my kids and husband. I really enjoy making the soap and even when the first batch turned out kind of off (my own recipe, it needs tweeking) I wasn't put off. I just did some good reading and kept on going. The second batch turned out much better and my soap cutter arrived today! Now if I can just get my soap molds.... I ordered them from an etsy seller who makes fabulous wood molds but the word is that turnaround time is atrocious. He tells to expect shipping 18-20 days after ordering. Tomorrow is day 20 for my first order. My etsy invoice still reads 'payment received' but not 'shipped'. = ( For now I've been using cavity molds but I don't like them as much. I like them but there seems to be a lot of waste scraped off. I'm saving the scrapings though, for rebatching. I'm frugal like that.

In which I have experienced a miracle first hand

2008-07-25T02:09:00.002-04:00

I'll admit it. I didn't really believe in miracles. Not really. I believed some pretty awesome things happened to people, but I didn't truly believe in miracles for the ordinary person. That is until I was blessed with a bonafide miracle today. Well, yesterday really since as I'm writing this it is two o'clock in the morning. So anyway, I had to go to court yesterday for something that could have gone very badly for me. I've been worrying about it for a month now and everyone's been telling me not to worry b/c God was going to take care of me, but I didn't believe them. I wanted to believe them, but I just didn't. I prayed though. Oh, how I prayed. I prayed every day, several times a day. Not just asking God for help with this situation. We talked about a lot of stuff. Then I asked him for a miracle. I was even specific about what I wanted Him to do. Today He blessed me with that miracle in exactly the ways I'd specified. It would have been crazy except that I felt Him with me and I knew it was Him and I wasn't scared. I was just thankful. I truly can do nothing apart from Him.

2008-07-17T20:36:00.002-04:00

I passed my skills midterm! WooHoo!! After spending the last week practicing sterile technique, wet to damp dressing changes, draining wound dressing changes, applying TED hose, and a myriad of bandaging techniques on my kids and stepson (he really liked letting me practice wrapping him) I took my test today and I passed with flying colors!

Photo Update On The Knitting and Spinning!

2008-07-14T00:43:00.002-04:00

This is the finished Irish Hiking Scarf. I'm so excited to wear it. I can't wait until the weather is cold enough!

This is the Alpaca Hell One Row Victory Scarf. I went through spinner's hell to get this roving spun into a decent yarn and I'm knitting the One Row Handspun Scarf pattern by the Yarn Harlot, Stephanie Pearl-McPhee.

This is the Alpaca Hell doing a little sunbathing on the back deck. Ignore the unmowed lawn. It's been raining alot in Southwest Ohio.

The Alpaca Hell is such a well behaved little skein. Look at how prettily she wound herself up.
I'm currently on something of a Finish-It-Up kick. I've been knitting on a couple of projects for quite some time and I need to get them off the needles before beginning any new big projects. (Like the new sweater I'm swatching for. A Mirage from More Big Girl Knits) My next FIU project is my mom's Highland Triangle Shawl. I'm working on things in order of when they were started and technically my Celtic Icon Hoodie was first but it's a big project so it gets worked on along with everything else. It'll probably be the last item I finish of the list before starting the new sweater.

A Lovely Day

2008-07-13T19:27:00.002-04:00

I was sure that when I went to bed this morning (ahem, it was around three o'clock) that I would not be getting up for church today. I was sohoooo wrong. See, the Father has his own plans and I am not capable of discerning them. His plan was for me to go to church today. I needed to be in church today. I feel so much better and, of course, that was why I needed to be there. There were quite a few messages that I needed to receive. I really am glad I went. Then we went to my folks' house for a backyard picnic. The weather was perfect and I felt so blessed to be a part of it.

See, this is why I don't get on well with other women

2008-07-11T21:47:00.002-04:00

Why are women so competitive and catty? Why does it always have to be about who's right or wrong? Whenever you get a group of women together you can usually count on some sort of cattiness occurring and I'm so tired of it. Literally, I'm physically worn out from dealing with it. Why does it always have to be a pride thing with women, like you're somehow less worthy because you're not right all the time. This is why I have so few gal-pals. I'm not like that. At least, I make a conscious effort not to be. I've always got along better with guys and I think that's why. I really value female friendship, but not at the cost of my sanity. Especially right now. My life is just too hectic for the drama. I give all my drama to God and He handles it just fine. Today my spirits are higher than they have been for the past couple of days. I'm still fighting those demons of doubt that creep into my heart and whisper all the worst case scenarios that can occur with this legal situation of mine, but God is whispering to me too and His voice is infinitely sweeter and more soothing to my aching heart. He tells me to not grow faint and to trust in Him alone. He loves me and no matter what comes, He will be there with me and walk right by me through it all. My times are in His hands and He wants me to know it. I'm trying to be strong, but I'm only a girl and my strength is limited. I need help now and then.

2008-07-08T22:28:00.000-04:00

So I've been doing good with eating healthy for the past couple days and then there was today. I walked into muffins and doughnuts at work and oatmeal peanut butter chip cookies at my mom's (um, yea, fresh oatmeal peanutbutter chip cookies). Can a girl get a break here!?! I did good though because I knew I had to watch the videotape of myself conducting an interview with a patient from last week's clinicals and I wasn't expecting it to be pretty. I was right. It wasn't. I was so glad I'd walked away from the muffins, doughnuts, and cookies. It also didn't help that my patient was a soldier recently back from the Middle East and hot as hell! I'm such a porker! *sniff* At least I'm working on it, right? I'm going to go shower now and try to block out the siren call of the cookies mom sent home with me for the kids and the husband. They're sitting on the counter so I had to look at them each time I went to check on the skein of handspun I was soaking. Glad to report, they're still sitting there. I need to go soak myself now and rewind that videotape.

2008-07-07T11:19:00.002-04:00

I've been fat for eight years now. I used to be a "runner", an "athlete". Now I barely spend any time at all working out or running despite easy access to a state of the art fitness center at my university and a top-notch treadmill in my bedroom. I used to be hot. I used to feel good when I woke up. Now I'm sluggish and lethargic. I don't eat well, I don't exercise and I make excuses all day long. "I'll start tomorrow","It's my time of the month"," I don't have time." The usual. I buy Oxygen magazine every month and read it cover to cover every month. I adore Tosca Reno and Bob Kennedy. I think they are fantastic role models. I think Oxygen is the one women's fitness magazine you can really trust. The models are beautiful. They are not skinny. They are the epitome of beauty; strong, sculpted and still exuding femininity. Oxygen shows what a real fitness role model should look like. I want to be like them so badly, and yet I'm still fat. I really don't know why I keep falling off the wagon. Each time I get back on again I feel great about myself. I feel energetic and steady but then something happens and I'm thrown off. It could be a comment from someone, or seeing myself in a reflection at a bad angle, or simply having a bad day. I start feeling sorry for myself and it's all to easy to just sit there on the floor where I fell off. My husband, God bless him, doesn't help. He tells me he loves me no matter what I look like and he doesn't say a word when I yo-yo. He just loves me and he doesn't want to anger me or hurt my feelings. He really does want me to lose weight. He would find me more attractive if I was at a healthy weight, but he doesn't want to risk hurting my feelings by saying anything to make me feel like he doesn't love me and find me attractive in my present condition. I know my life wouldn't instantly improve with weight loss. I'm not foolish. I do know that if I was exercising regularly and eating well I would be better able to deal with the day to day stress and I would feel better overall. I would be more secure and more confident which would help me to relax more easily. Oh my, well, what's a girl to do?

2008-07-06T00:30:00.002-04:00

So much has been going on in my life that I scarcely know where to begin, if I can even tell it all. First of all, school is rather nutty but going fine so far. I'm in some legal trouble right now that I'm faithful God will stand by me through AND move a mountain or two if need be. I'm having a lot of problems because of it though. Financial, of course, and emotional. I feel like right now everything is somehow related to this business. I have a small ulcer that is probably much bigger by now (at least it feels like it from all the pain I've been having) thanks to the stress. I'm keeping a positive outlook, but sometimes I just want to cry. I feel so overwhelmed and if I didn't have God and my family to turn to I'd probably be in a ditch somewhere. God, I really don't want to go to jail. I really don't want my kids to have to suffer through that. I really don't want to mess up my schooling, and my future. It was a stupid mistake but I've since done all that can be done to correct it so it's in your hands now and there's nothing I can do about it except pray for a miracle. I know I'm a little emotionally on edge right now, so it must seem like everything is more painful, but tonight at work everyone just seems to be feeling hateful and I'm walking away every few minutes so that I don't start crying. I want my babies so I can hold them. I just want to disappear.

I Have a Podcast

2008-06-22T00:16:00.001-04:00

Yes. I am a sheep, but I'm a sheep who loves to talk and has something to say. Trust that it will improve with time and usage, but for now I'll update when I can.

2008-06-17T20:52:00.001-04:00

So I managed to make it through the two ridiculous intro nursing classes okay and I'm now on to the "real" nursing classes. We're talking classes with clinicals. I know that I'll barely be able to remember my own name now much less do a lot of blogging so I'm kind of glad that nobody reads my blog anyway. Less to dissappoint. Anywho, aside from podcasting every so often I'm going to be forced into the books and when I have time to breathe I'll be knitting or spinning. What a ride though eh?

Pictures and That's All.

2008-05-21T18:32:00.002-04:00

The Danku Blanket: Patons Classic Merino in Natural Mix. Pattern is SerenityMore Danku Blanket
Nutkin Sock: Lisa Souza in Emerald City
Shylo. Blurry as usual because I can't get her to sit still for a digital shot. Might have to try 35mm.

The Craziness Will Continue, Indefinitely.

2008-05-12T17:21:00.003-04:00

When I thought I had a crazy life, I was grossly understating. My life is psychotic. This is no ordinary level of crazy. This is full on straight jacket, leather restraints, me-and-Stephen King-finally-understand-one-another kind of crazy. I'm so wiped out I can hardly see straight. I've still managed to get some knitting in each day even if for no more than five minutes. I think this is what is keeping me from completely going over the edge. Then the owner of my local fiber shop suggests a sock designing contest to me. Bless her heart, how in the world am I going to find time to design a sock? I'm just now getting to the heel turn of the Aquaphobia socks I've been working on all quarter. I'm on the last repeat of the center triangle for my mom's Highland Triangle and I'm through the first ball of yarn on the Serenity Blanket that I'm knitting for my friend Robyn. I'm currently spinning some alpaca that I picked up at last years Upper Valley Fiber Festival and I hate it. It's poorly carded and full of VM. It has some black fiber carded throughout it that is unable to be drafted so it ends up either pulled out prior to spinning or pull off as a slub forms. Either way it's a giant nuisance. I won't be purchasing fiber from these folks again. I did manage to finish yet another skein of three-ply bfl. That takes me two three total counting the corriedale blend. *Sigh* I love spinning so much! Between spinning and knitting, I need no other hobbies. I still love my photography though and my writing, but if I had to give them up I could. I would be certifiable if I had to give up my spinning and knitting though. It just wouldn't do.

Disappointed

2008-03-13T17:17:00.003-04:00

It's not really my nature to follow things like soap operas and tv shows, but I am known for getting hooked into series of books (Harry Potter, Outlander, etc.) and movies. Recently (ok, for the past year and a half) I've been hooked on following Podcasts like Lime'N Violet, Cast On, and Sticks and String. David Reidy has never disappointed me but lately the other two have. I can't even really put my finger on what happened or when, but it seems like Cast On has devolved, Phil Donahue-esque, into Brenda Dayne's soapbox and narcissistic launchpad. LNV has always been a little on the silly side but now with Lime only making random appearances and Carin sitting in her stead, it has become rather ridiculous. I still listen to LNV b/c no matter how silly they are I still love them and want to give them cookies... and stuff. Cast On, oth, is no longer in my que. It's just not interesting anymore. Brenda isn't funny to me anymore and as of late she sounds more and more full of herself and more and more whiny. Sticks and String seems to be going along just fine, if not better so every Sunday I eagerly log on to iTunes after church and upload the new episode. I have found some different podcasts that I enjoy tuning into now. They are: Stitch It!, Knit Naturally, Faery Knitting, Hip Tranquil Chick, and Diva Knitting, oh and let's not forget the Knit Picks podcast. I've been a loyal KP customer ever since my first catalog and I really enjoy Kelly's podcasts. I've been told by some local podcasters that I know from work that I would make a good podcaster (at least that my voice is good for casting) but that would have to wait until the summer if it were to happen at all. It's not that it's expensive, it's just very time consuming and I don't have that kind of time right now. Speaking of time, I have had a little more open up now that I'm finished with one of my classes. I still have two Finals to take next week but for now I have a little more time each day to get at least a few rows in. I haven't been able to spin much but I'm looking forward to getting back to the wheels and spindles after my last final. Dad is feeling really beat down right now so cover him in prayer.

You Just Gotta Believe

2008-03-12T16:35:00.005-04:00

These are images that should help calm me down. Scotland..... ahhhhh. But unfortunately I can't send them to my dad, who at this time, is way more stressed out than I am. My dad is strong though and I'm positive he will edure. It's not easy being my dad, or my mom for that matter. I've never been an easy child to parent. The words supportive parents takes on a whole different context when it refers to my parents.

It's not that I enjoy them supporting me, I really don't. But having been the difficult child that I was, I've made some really stupid mistakes that have put me at a disadvantage otherwise and being the beings of love and light that they are..... they come to my rescue whenever they are able too. I'm slowly getting stronger on my own two feet, but it's been a long time coming and they are getting tired of waiting. I'm praying that a new job will help tip the scales in their favor but as I've said before that is in God's hands now. It will come though. I've just gotta believe.

Snow

2008-03-08T10:43:00.005-05:00

Yesterday it started snowing. It kept snowing. It's still snowing. So far we've gotten over five inches and it looks like we'll top out at about eight to ten. Not spectacular, but it's fun to see nonetheless. This is the view when I open my back door.

This is what it looks like when I open my front door. That's not a drift either, it's how high the snow is on my front porch.

Maybe not.....

2008-03-06T19:03:00.002-05:00

Doesn't look good for the University Hospital position after checking on the STNA thing. I'd have to take a refresher course and then take the test. Now, the gal who called me is checking with staffing to see if the STNA thing is a deal breaker, but I'm thinking it's probable a no-go. God willing it's not, but if it is then I know it just wasn't His will for me to have the job and there will be a better suited position for me elsewhere or perhaps down the road. No worries. If God be for me... who can be against me? Tonight whatever else this day had brought, I will knit and have a beer. I plan to spin a little on Anya as well. We're expecting this ginormous snow storm to start in tonight but knowing our local weather people... we'll barely get a dusting. A huge storm would be swell b/c I'd really like a day to just chill, knit, spin, read, and hang out. Well, we'll see.

Pray for Me

2008-03-06T13:31:00.002-05:00

I got a call I'd been waiting for today. I have an interview at University Hospital in Cincinnati on Tuesday the eleventh. I'm super excited but also super nervous. If God wants me to get this job I know I will, but I'm going to do everything possible to sell myself. The obstacle I face in that I never took the State Test for Nurse Aide after I finished the class and it's been too long now, I believe, for me to take it. I finished the class in the winter of 2005 and you only have two years to take the test before you have to retake the class. This could be a big problem but let's pray that it will all work out in my favor. This is a third shift, full-time position at a wonderful hospital and it seems to be the job that I've been praying for. I really hope this works out.

Running low on my Mojo

2008-02-25T18:39:00.003-05:00

So I've spent the last few days seeing about what extra studying I could do to prepare for this test over the Respiratory system/Water & Electrolytes/Acid-Base balances. It's incredibly hard and incredibly boring. I am systematically drawn to the conclusion that there is no way on earth to make this stuff fun to learn. I absolutely detest it and have decided that no matter how much I try to study it, it's all going to flow right out of my head as soon as I close my eyes and I'm going to fail the test. But I'm okay with that b/c everyone else is in pretty much the same boat. Good news to report. We found a little house to rent and are moving in shortly. It's very small but hey, that's just less for me to clean and believe me that is a good thing b/c I dislike cleaning with a passion. Another bit of good news, a wonderful benefactor has bestowed on me a new spinning wheel! Yes, it's awesome isn't it? I was discussing how I wanted to try a Saxony style wheel and she said "Well, I've got this nice wheel sitting in a box in my garage. It's a few years old and it's a walnut finish, but you might like it." Um......ya think?!? (And believe me, it's that one price that you can't beat but I promised I wouldn't spread it around b/c she's afraid the manufacturer's would get wind and give her crap about it, so this is all I'll say about that.) So I came by the next night on my way home from school and picked it up. It took my husband two hours to put it together! No wonder she wanted to get rid of it. It's quite lovely though and it spins just beautifully. I can't say the name of the manufacturer (again, I promised) but I'll just say that I've named her Anya after her native region. God blesses me in the strangest ways sometimes, but I'm certainly not complaining. I have an interview tomorrow as well for a third shift position with a lab. If I remember correctly, the last time I interviewed with them the pay wasn't that great and that's why I turned them down, but at the time I had no experience either and it was nearly five years ago so maybe the payscale went up. We'll see. If it's the job God wants me to have, I'm sure I'll know. I really really need a new job. The further along I get in my schooling, the less tolerable I become of my current employement. My co-workers are frustrating me more and more and I'm starting to dread going to work. That's pretty bad considering I have the easiest job in the world. I know that I always get low in Winter quarter, but I'm getting down right depressed. This quarter sucks and tomorrow I'll be flunking a test. I need a recharge or something. I can't manage anything more that perfunctory knitting d/t time constraints so I've been doing a lot of work on the socks for my Dad's upcoming birthday. I managed to finish another skein of three-ply out of some leftover Corriedale roving I had and I think I did well. I'll post pictures if I remember to take any. I'm tired. So I'll be going to bed now. Good night mom and dad. I love you too.

Roses help, but Thorazine would help more.

2008-02-07T21:25:00.001-05:00

Ok, my last post is proof of why I should never be allowed near a computer when I have PMS. Seriously. "Why doesn't anyone like me? Waaahhh, waaahhh, waaahhh!" Oh puh-leeze. I want to tell myself to shut the hell up. So anyway, back to reality. We're house hunting right now b/c the parents will be moving back into their house on March 1, so we need to find a place by then. Today we looked at a couple of possibilities, but I just don't know. The biggest problem we have is the DH. He's got a felony record and it's for a charge that (wrong as it was and despite the fact that it's under review for a Governor's pardon) folks don't like to see on an rental application. If we were in a position to buy a house that would be so much better, but alas we are not. We will be in five years, but that's five years and we need a place by March 1. So it's in God's hands now along with my job situation. Because of the emotional rollercoaster I've been on as a result of all this, DH bought me roses in my favorite pink-orange shade:

Works well independently. Doesn't play well with others.

2008-02-03T15:17:00.001-05:00

So in today's sermon, the pastor discussed how the church (and our church especially) needs to work more on fellowshipping. He said we have too many cliques and that it needs to end and we need to learn to make new friends and love one another and be more like the Acts apostles who ate, studied, and lived with one another. In short, we need to get to know each other and stopping staying in our little cliques. Now, I'm in no way shape or form a member of a clique. I'm very anti-clique due to my upbringing. I really like the idea of tearing down walls in between people and seeing everyone get along. As long as I don't have to be actively involved in the people part. I've always been a behind-the-scenes kind of person. I really was that kid whose report card always said, "Works well indepedently. Doesn't play well with others." My dad always glossed over the latter part and praised the former. My dad was a commanding officer in the US Army and his job was counter-insurgency /anti-guerilla warfare. (You know, the stuff they make movies out of.) In his line of work, it wasn't necessary to get along well with others. He was a leader and as long as his men respected him and did as he told them, everyone came home alive. He told me that being able to work well indepedently meant I never had to rely on somone else to get my work done. So I didn't. I wish now that he would have tried to teach me how to make friends. Mainly because I don't have any anymore. The few friends I did have all moved away and now I have my husband and my kids. I have aquaintances from work and church, and they're all great. But they're not Friends. Not the kind you call in an emergency. Or the kind you know won't roll their eyes at your silly dreams or plans. Not the kind you can trust without a doubt around your husband and kids. I can't even really think of my husband as my friend. Friends aren't interested in seeing you naked all the time. He's my husband, it's not his fault. I asked him today if people thought I was a dork and he said, "It depends. Usually yes because you have interests that most people don't care about. None of the girls at church knit or spin and their eyes glaze over when you talk about it. If you talked about things that people cared about then people wouldn't think you were a dork." Screw that! Why would I want friends who didn't care about what I cared about?! Maybe I'll make friends in Nursing school. Maybe I'll make friends when I'm a doctor. Maybe I'll never make anymore friends. My mom told me I should socialize and then I would make friends. My husband tells me I'm fine as long as I'm not talking about knitting, spinning, or school. It looks like I'm going to be friendless and a dork forever then.

2008-01-30T17:07:00.000-05:00

I got an 89 on the test. So apparently I didn't bomb too bad. All's well that ends well I suppose. Now if I can just get a new job, all will be on it's way.

The Swirling Vortex of Scantron

2008-01-29T13:44:00.000-05:00

So there I am, cruising along through my test happily filling in those atrocious little bubbles and then I hit the last twenty questions. At first it was just one question. I wasn't completely sure of the answer so I went with my gut instinct. Then it was two questions, then three. Soon I was questioning every answer. Do I know this? Am I sure? Do I know any of this crap?!? I walked out of the room completely numb and sure that I tanked the test. I won't know until tomorrow at the earliest, but until then I will mourn the loss of my GPA. I will go home and read a little bit in my Bible, and then I will knit a sock. Because when all else fails God and wool will make it all better.

Pictures of Poo and Doggie Gladiators

2008-01-28T18:49:00.000-05:00

So I'm taking a few minutes away from my studies to post some pictures. Let's begin with my dog. Shylo is easily in the running for first pick if American Gladiators wants to add a dog to their squad. Look at how buff my baby puppy is!
This is how far I've gotten in the Philosopher's Wool Colour Your Own kit. I'm not coloring anymore until I get a 16 inch Addi Turbo US 8. The two circs method isn't working well for this sleeve and I'm getting some awkward stiffness at the joins.
This is how the inside of the cuff looks after I tried to sew in most of the loose ends. Kind of resembles poo doesn't it?
The three-ply I spun as a trial run for the yarn I'm going to spin for Dad's gansey. It's been re-washed and re-skeined.
Malachi sleeping. Awwwww. Noah sleeping. Awwww.

They grow so stinking fast! I am soooooooooooo blessed aren't I?

2008-01-25T21:28:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I get really jealous. I see couples who've been together as long as my husband and I and they are as much in love as day one. I want that. There are days when I look at him and wonder wtf I'm still doing with him.

2008-01-22T18:53:00.000-05:00

I wound all twelve skeins of yarn up for the Philosophers Wool sweater. Now I just need to finish off the first of the two Endpaper Mitts. I'll be doing that here in a minute. Then I can spin a little fiber and then cast on! Yes folks, tonight is fiber-reward for doing well on the test. I'm wasting precious fiber time.

2008-01-20T19:05:00.000-05:00

I've spent the majority of the day studying Nutrition. I say studying loosely. What I've really been doing is studying the mechanics and science of nutrition and memorizing the rest. I don't hold with what the FDA and the USDA shove down the pipes as "nutrition". I'm tired of the food pyramid changing to correspond to whatever lobby group has paid the govt. the most money. Don't misunderstand me. I love farmers and ranchers. I wholeheartedly promote the practice of buying from local farmers and ranchers. My husbands family raise black Angus cattle. Someday my husband dreams of owning his own farm/ranch (a hobby to be sure, with maybe a little profit from local sales) I don't condone big business agriculture, genetic tampering with animals or plants, or a govt that's in bed with pharmaceutical companies pushing food down our throats that is contributing to heart diseases, diabetes, and cancer. The govt brushes over the importance of exercise as a legal disclaimer and tells us we need to eat more carbs and if our cholesterol or sugar is high we can take Lipitor or Glucophage. I'm not a carb hater. The human brain's preferred source of energy is glucose. The human brain. Not the rest of the body. The rest of the body prefers protein as it's primary source of energy. I favor a controlled carbohydrate diet. Not a no-carb diet. Not a steak, eggs, cheese, and bacon diet. My diet consists of quality carbohydrates from a variety of raw or steamed veggies, lean proteins, and an assortment of seeds, nuts, some milk products, and berries. That's a controlled/low -carb diet folks! Seriously. Read the science. It's out there in real medical journals. Peer -reviewed medical journals. Doctors are wising up. It's a slow change, but it's coming. The doctor I work for has been prescribing this diet for over forty years. It's been used to get patients healthy for at least a hundred years. I can't make this stuff up, it's true. Do you want to know the roots associated with what ails Americans today? We're lazy, we smoke, we eat crap, we want convenience and we think taking a pill or having gastric bypass is easier, and...we watch entirely too much stinking television. I've fallen victim to these vices too. I was a healthy weight in 1999 when I became pregnant with my first child. I was running 3 - 5 miles a day, but that was the only healthy thing I did. I also smoked a pack a day, drank a lot, did drugs, had promiscuous sex, ate junk food if I remembered to eat at all...the list goes on. I was messed up! Then I was blessed with another chance. My pregnancy gave me a chance to changes my ways. I quit smoking. I didn't drink. That was it. I ate like it was going out of style and I ate junk food. I quit running too. I gained 100lbs. I went from a 10 to a 26. My weight led to complications in my pregnancy. I was already destined to have preeclampsia, but my excess weight gain also added hypertension to that. Now preeclampsia is already a disease of hypertension, add an extra 100 lbs and things don't look good at all. I was forced to go into the hospital two weeks early b/c my blood pressure was 210/100. My son was delivered via c-section without any further complications (I've left out a whole bunch). I went home and dealt with the backlash for the next six months. After awhile I was determined to get back in shape. My son was almost three and I was steadily losing weight and running again. Then I got pregnant again. This time was better. I ate better. I tried to exercise. It was great for awhile. Then the preeclampsia hit again and I had to rest. It was hard but everything turned out ok. I managed to only gain 30lbs this time. My boys are 8 and 4 now and I've just now begun to seriously address the weight gain. My goals for 2008 are clear and concise. I won't list them b/c they are of a more personal nature than I am comfortable journaling about at this time. Perhaps later after a few have been cemented and I'm in a more secure place emotionally. Let's just say that two years ago I was doing really well and had lost fifty of those pounds. I've since gained 25 back. I'm still 25 ahead but it's going to take some time to recoup those.

Update on the Color Key

2008-01-19T16:02:00.000-05:00

Sheree from PWC emailed me and said she'd fax me the color key! Awesome. Now I'm going to practice the twisting described in the book and see if I can do it without it being too tight. Wish me luck. I'm so tired I can't see straight and yet, every time I lie down to nap I wake right back up. Sucks.

Yarn Arrives From California and The Dog Ate My Pattern

2008-01-17T17:11:00.000-05:00

So I got the missing skein of yellow from Philosophers Wool, but the new color key was missing. This wouldn't be a problem except that the dog ate the color key I received with the original kit and now I would have to figure out all the colors on my own based on the pattern in the book. I'm two weeks into Winter quarter at university and with two jobs, school, and two very active sons, I would just really love to not have to do that. So I emailed Eugene to let him know the yarn arrived and to ask for a new color key, relaying the above reasons why. All I want to do is knit the sweater without having to think too hard. I have to think hard enough at school and while studying. Knitting is my pleasure and I don't want it to become too much of a hassle
This is me mastering the two-handed stranded technique:

Pardon the parted hair, I'd just come home from work (as you can probably tell from the white pants.)

Pictures and Lovin

2008-01-15T15:36:00.000-05:00

The infamous Shedir:
Shylo the wonder dog:
A sunrise over my office:

My first attempt at a three-ply yarn for the gansey I plan to knit for my dad:
Jamieson & Smith yarn to make the Cunningsburgh Gloves: The kiddles in their Lucha Libre masks (I hate this pattern):

Again with the wonder dog. See why I couldn't leave her?:
A sunrise I captured on the way to work. HE does good work doesn't HE?:

I love my life. I don't really have anything specific to highlight, but I really do love my life. I love that I am an mostly independant thinker. I love that I have a lifestyle that is now imbued in almost every way with wool. I love that I have a strong mind and a strong body. I love how I feel when I'm running and I love even more how I feel at the end of a long run. I love having sex with my husband. I love playing with my kids and my dog. I love studying a fascinating subject. I love spinning at my spinning wheel and with my spindle. I love dreaming about the Woolee Winder I will order in another eleven weeks. I love learning new knitting and spinning techniques. I love chocolate. I love a good drink. I love weight training. I love the way I feel the day after weight training. I love Scotland and dreaming about going to Scotland. I love Ireland and dreaming about going to Ireland. I love my parents. I love my brother. I love more than I can possibly ever write down. I love sheep. I love wool.

In which I rant about my co-workers and a Philosopher gives me a pep talk about my knitting.

2008-01-14T19:06:00.000-05:00

Today I received my Color Your Own kit from Philosophers Wool Company. I was so excited when I got the box I couldn't wait to open it. When I did, I was a little let down. The kit they sent me was for this:

What I ordered was this: I know you may not be able to tell the difference in these two patterns but let me tell you what it is. Yellow. The kit I received was the Fire colorway. The kit I ordered was the Fire - with Yellow. That color that looks almost like white in the second picture...that's the yellow. At first I thought about just letting it go. I told myself that it's just one color so I should just not worry about it. But as the afternoon went on, I just kept looking at the pictures and it just wasn't going to happen. I had my heart set on the sweater with the yellow. Both are beautiful, but I really wanted that yellow. Heart in the basement thinking I would have to send the kit I'd waited so long for back, I picked up the phone and dialed Philosophers Wool. A very pleasant man answered the phone. When I explained the problem he replied, "Oh shoot! Well, so then let's see, what you need is the yellow." He said he'd call Sue and get it right out to me. I asked if I could also get a new color key as the one I had was just for the Fire colorway without the yellow and he said that wouldn't be a problem but then went on to tell me that I could go ahead and start the sweater anyway b/c I wouldn't use the yellow for awhile and really, I didn't need the color key at all. He said that was the beauty of the Color Your Own, you could decided where you put what color and it always comes out great. "On my sweater the sleeves don't even match up but it still looks great." (This should have been a clue.) As we concluded our business I asked whom I was speaking with (I'm in medicine, I always get the name of who I spoke with.) It was Eugene himself! I'd been chatting with Eugene Bourgeois. Awesome. So, if you ever want to order from a great company who makes great wool in fabulous colors and contribute to keeping up conscientious buying practices, go to http://www.philosopherswool.com/ They are great and the customer service can't be beat. Who knows....Eugene may just be the one who answers the phone. Or Anne.

Now, on to my rant about my co-workers. I don't engage in workplace gossip, much. On occasion I find that I need to vent about certain things or certain people. I work in a good size office. On my team are 4 MAs, 2 LPNs, and 3 RNs. I am one of the MAs. It is a point of contention in the office as to what your "rank" is as far as your schooling despite the only difference in our jobs being that the RNs are the only ones who do IV therapy (LPNs can D/C an IV, but can do little else with them in our office.) We give allergy shots and do allergy testing. We call in prescriptions and we assist the physicians when they need us. The MAs are trained phlebotomists (one of our RNs is too as that is what she did while going to school) the others are not. The MAs are also trained to do a few more procedures than the LPNs are. MAs however, are not licensed. MAs can be certified but this is not important. LPNs (at least in my office) are a bit snooty about the licensing part of their titles. They are essentially MAs with a license. They go to school for the same amount of time, do the same kinds of clinicals and do almost the same jobs. And you can't tell them that an MA is not their peon on the work ladder. One LPN in my office is really bad about this. She tends to piss me off more than the rest but I keep it to myself b/c I don't want to make her feel bad. It is a bit cathartic to be able to write it down here though, especially after a day of her primping and driving me crazy with the "Princess" act she pulls. I actually had to spend almost an entire afternoon the other day listening to a discussion between her, the other LPN, and the new girl discussing the virtues of beige vs. white underwear (we have to wear white pants Mon-Fri), and how you can never find any cute work pants at Wal-Mart b/c they were all elastic waist and straight leg instead of the trendy kind. I bit my tongue from saying, "I buy my work pants at Wal-Mart b/c they are cheap, good quality, not see through (another point they were discussing, hence the underwear debate), and comfortable. And I'm not concerned with impressing anyone while I'm at work. " As long as my uniforms are clean, pressed, and professional looking who cares if they're trendy? Who the hell exactly are they trying to impress. They did ask me about the underwear and I replied, "Frankly I don't spend any time looking at any of your butts so I assume you don't look at mine. I wear white briefs and I buy them at Wal-Mart in the six pack b/c I prefer to spend my money on more important things." They actually admitted that they bought their work underwear at Victoria's Secret and thought it was a good deal to get five pair for twenty-five dollars! You could make an entire sweater for that much. Why on earth would you spend that much money on stuff you're going to fart on? Frankly even when I was skinny I never shopped at VS (except for once when I had a gift card) for underwear. I buy their perfume and sometimes their lip gloss but my fun panties come from Target or Wal - Mart. Maybe I was raised with more sense. Or maybe I'm just more secure with myself and therefore don't need to impress people by spending too much money on work uniforms and underwear. Well, to each their own. It's crazy to spend twenty-five dollars on a skein of hand-dyed sock yarn to these people (not that I tell them I spend this much) but honestly, it takes me about two to three weeks to make a pair of socks and that's when I'm not in school so I get a lot of mileage out of those twenty-five dollars. These are the same people whose lives revolve around the TV, use their treadmills as a clothes rack but spend thirty dollars a month tanning and on a gym membership they rarely use, and if they see the inside of a church spend the service thinking about themselves and/or what they plan to do after the service. Am I better? No, of course not. I have my many faults too. I just needed to rant a bit.

Bon Jovi Said It Best

2008-01-10T15:51:00.000-05:00

Keep the Faith. That's what you have to do in this life. "Faith is my beacon of hope" is what is inscribed on the back of the Thomas Kincade lighthouse pendant that my boss gave me for Christmas this year. I've been lax about that recently. I've slid into the "God, where are you?" attitude. In short, I've been throwing a spiritual temper tantrum. I know that God has not abandoned me. I know that He does not put me into situations that I cannot either; glean new strength and understanding from or grow in my faith and relationship with him. I trust my Father. I also trust my dad and he was the first person to say to me, "Beck, things aren't always going to be easy. You aren't always going to understand the big picture. Keep your faith in God and He will come through for you. You just have to believe." I do believe. I love my Father and I know that He loves me. No enemy can take that and no thing can make that not true. Keep the Faith people. He'll come through for you.

2008-01-09T20:17:00.000-05:00

So I will soon be venturing into stranded knitting territory. Oh, I've done a bit of it here and there, but nothing that can actually be considered real stranded knitting. I don't say Fair Isle b/c, well, I'm not on Fair Isle and I've seen how some folks can get really upset with the specifics of things concerning nationalism. Anywho, my Color Your Own kit in Fire (with yellow) is on it's way from Philosophers Wool and should be here on the 14th. It was originally supposed to arrive on the 11th, but apparently there's been a delay. I'm not sure when my Schoolhouse Press order will arrive as they do not mail out tracking numbers and there is no link on the website to check on your order (most frustrating). I had to call Knit Picks with a complaint again. It seems like every couple of orders, I have to call them. With the first order I had to call about a bad cable in my Options set. Then once I had to call about a bad circular needle. This time I had to call about a bad dpn. Now, each time I've called they've simply asked what was wrong and sent me out a replacement FOC. Theirs is quite possibly the most lovely customer service department I have ever had to deal with. No hassles, no lengthy determining of who's fault it was, just tell us what the problem was and we'll fix it. This is why I do a lot of my knitting business with them; good wool, good selection, great book prices, great yarn prices, and a fabulous customer service department. Now.....if we can just get Kelly to add a spinning selection and catalogue. I've looked and pondered and finally decided to purchase a Woolee Winder. It won't be for awhile what with the husband out of work and all, but it will happen. Probably this summer when I can work more hours. Sooner if a new job comes through soon. I will really enjoy my spinning much more when I don't have to stop all the time to move the yarn to the next hook! Well, I should be set for projects until summer when I'll have more money to buy yarn.

Jesus Is Coming....Aim For The Head!

2008-01-02T21:08:00.000-05:00

Hahahahahahaha! I'm sorry but I just listened to Lime 'n Violet's fiftieth episode and I was just cracking up when Lime said that. If people raze her about it, they are just too uptight. Frankly, I plan to tell the story to my pastor. I think he'll find it amusing. This is the man who did an entire series entitled, "Madder Than Hell." Well, the Shedir is almost done. I plan to get on it when I finish typing this. I bought the Patons for the boy's Lucha Libre masks. I was so psyched when I went in to buy it and it was all on sale. I love Patons. I know people look down on it because you buy it at the Big Box stores, but I really like it. I just wish it came in more colors. But I also like Knit Picks Wool of the Andes and Cascade 220 so it's not like I'm at a loss for selection. Well, onto the knitting!

2007-12-30T14:28:00.000-05:00

Today started out as a fat&ugly day. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has these days. You know what they're like. You wake up tired, you look in the mirror and know that no amount of makeup will cover the circles, bags, and zits. Your hair won't behave and no amount of product will help. Then I had to go to church and work in the nursery, with no help. I'm telling you, working with the kids is great but without another person in there, it get's a bit overwhelming. And to top it off, I've been eating like poop and when I do that, I feel like poop too. I haven't run in forever and I'm feeling it. If I don't run regularly I get super stressed out. Put that stress on top of the stress of the husband being out of work and my hours getting cut back Jan. 7 when I start Winter quarter classes. I'm so depressed. I'm not a big fan of medications for depression, but right now I'd love to be on a maintenance dose of Prozac. So my husband made me a salad for lunch. It's a start. I'll run later today when I feel like caring.

On a lighter note, I had a chance to view the videos I rented from SmartFlix. I rented the Beginning and Advanced Spinning Techniques videos. The beginning one was good. I learned a couple things but nothing that I couldn't learn by googling. I expected the advanced to be really great, but it was dissappointing. I was hoping to learn new drafting techniques but the only techniques reviewed were short draw and long draw (or double draft). The double draft tech was reviewed pretty well, but it was in the beginning video too so I was overall dissappointed. I'm really glad I was able to rent these before putting down forty dollars each to order them from Yarn Barn. I might still order the beginners video but I doubt it. What I'm interested in learning in Navajo plying and several new drafting techniques. I'm going to be ordering my kit from Philosophers wool soon to make my Color Your Own in the Fire colorway (with yellow). I'm going to be casting on for the smallest size because that is one of my new knitting resolutions. I will only knit garments for myself in the size for my ideal healthy weight. Not being able to wear all my pretty things will be my punishment for eating junk and not working out.

My folks are coming down today so I will finally get to see what ring they got me, and give my mom her Celtic Tote. My son is slowly but surely mastering the RipStik(of death) and is under strict orders not to ride without helmet, wrist guards, knee & elbow pads. Malachi is very much in love with his guitar and well on his way to rockstardom. Life in the Sprauer household is chaotic as usual. Life is good.

RipStik of Death and a Christmas wish.

2007-12-24T21:14:00.000-05:00

I've got all the pieces of Mom's Celtic Tote knitted, blocked, and drying as I type this. I'm all set to wrap Malachi's first real guitar and Noah's RipStik (of Death). I was hoping for really bad weather so that Noah couldn't try out said RipStik (of Death) but it's actually supposed to be almost fifty degrees and sunny. For goodness sakes it's OHIO! Why is it almost fifty degrees on Christmas Day?!? Good thing this kid of mine can rip it up on a board (no pun intended). What am I getting for Christmas? I have no idea. My dog was an early present from my folks but they still feel the need to get us each a couple of gifts. Mine is a ring of some kind. I only know b/c mom measured my finger with string and then took it with her. She and Dad ordered it from somewhere. I'm not sure what kind of ring but I have my suspicions. It's either the Claddagh I've been asking for (from everyone for any occasion that involves gift exchanging) or it's a mother's ring, or it's just a sapphire ring of some kind. I want a sapphire b/c it's Malachi's birthstone and I already have an amethyst for Noah's birthstone. I'm rambling. My folks have the flu so they won't actually be here tomorrow, but they'll be here in spirit. I'll see them next weekend. I recently asked my kids what Christmas was about and here's what they told me:
"Love, Family, and God." Yep. That's right. I may not be the world's best mom, but I'm raising these kids to know what's really important. Not presents, not offending people with my saying "Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays" (which incidentally if Merry Christmas offends you, get over yourself), not outdoing the neighbors with decorations, not having a super clean house or the most fantastic Christmas spread, not any of those things. Christmas is about love, family, and God. Note that I said Christmas. Not Kwanzaa, not Hanukkah, not the Solstice Celebration. I don't know anything about those Holidays so I can't honestly say what they are about (ok, I used to know about the Solstice Celebration, but honestly that was so long ago I may as well not know anything.) I know what my holiday is about. I know Jesus wasn't born in December, and that the celebration of Christ's Mass is richly symbolic and full of tradition which is not based solely on facts. I know that many of our traditions and symbolism originated in the pre-christian pagan tribes and were trans mutated into christian traditions. You see, that's what people do. Tradition is a very important part of what makes a people. It needs to be maintained even when the people as a whole become enlightened by the birth of the son of God. We know that there is no Santa Claus, but we honor the spirit of Saint Nick b/c he represents an important element of the Christmas season, the spirit of giving and love. Of course Jesus is the ultimate representation of this. Why does it irritate people so much to hear "Merry Christmas"? Can I remind everyone that, like it or not, this country was founded by Christians with Christian beliefs? Freedom of religion means freedom to celebrate as well. I don't appreciate people like Sage Turtle of the Quirky Nomads podcast posting an episode called "F*** Christmas" like she did last year at this time. I didn't say anything mean about it or get nasty in return, afterall she did follow my all time fav suggestion of, " If you don't like the country so much, move out." What I did do was just delete her podcast from the iTunes account. What I can't understand is why someone (who pretends to be superior to those of us so narrow-minded as to believe in Christ and send our kids to public school) can't just take the high road and leave well enough alone instead of resorting to obscenity to purposefully offend other people. I actually feel sorry for her. I don't know who hurt her, but I wish I could make it better for her. I wish I could make it better for everyone who was ever hurt or offended by me or any christian. I wish Christmas could be as wonderful a time of year for everyone else as it is for me. I am extremely blessed and believe me I know it. I pray that kind of blessing would be bestowed on more people. Merry Christmas cyberland, Merry Christmas. (Oh, and Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and Solstice if those are your Holidays.) May your days be blessed.

Merry Christmas indeed.

2007-12-21T19:10:00.000-05:00

I've finished the front and back of mom's Celtic Tote. Now I need to do the sides/back and then sew it up. The pattern calls for plastic mesh to stiffen the bottom so I decided to buy purple mesh. The DH did in fact get laid off today, and with no Christmas bonus either. Bastards. I swear, what kind of boss lays someone off right before Christmas?! And this boss is a practicing pastor! If I didn't know so many good christians in my own church who make up for this guys "professed" but not "practiced" christianity, I would be completely turned off to christians too. It wasn't that long ago that people like him are what justified my belief that all christians are hippocritical, holier-than-thou, bigots. Thank God I was led to a church filled with "real" christians. Folks who weren't ashamed to share their sordid past and forgive you for yours. Folks who show love and compassion to anyone who enters into their presence, not just the pretty people. People in town call my church "The Fringe church" and say that "AHOP is the place to worship if they won't let you in the doors anywhere else." Well, HALLELUJAH for that! (Btw, AHOP stands for A House Of Prayer, not a house of pancakes.) Well, back to the knitting.

2007-12-17T20:17:00.000-05:00

I'm so tired. You know that kind of tired when you understand the Cymbalta commercials? It's been a rough couple of weeks and this week isn't even over yet. I was down with a nasty stomach bug last week and had to go my company's Christmas party alone and hoping that I didn't get hit with another wave of illness while I was there, b/c there was no way I would be able to get the pantyhose off in time! I finished my brothers Christmas sweater and am busy working (ok not right now) on mom's Celtic Tote. I got some not so great news today. The DH is getting laid off this Friday. His boss doesn't want to, and if a job comes in between now and Friday he won't be, but that is the nature of construction and with my DH's felony record that's pretty much all he has open to him. I still haven't heard from any of the resume's I've put in other than the jerks who rejected me based on me not turning in notice (I actually did, but since I did not keep a copy for proof all they have is my managers word and let's just say she and I did not see eye to eye.) when I left a job TEN years ago. Other than them, no word. I'm really feeling the strain and I'm getting pretty downtroddened. Pray for me if you can. I need some heavenly intervention here. Chris just told me today that if I don't get into the nursing program this time, he wants me to choose a path to finish my bachelors and apply straight to medical school. That's saying a lot coming from him, but he knows how heavy my heart is right now b/c his is right down there with it.

2007-12-02T13:42:00.000-05:00

I have a lot of vices that I don't talk about. It's not fun to admit that you are not a fun, witty, perfect person who obeys the Lord and should be in everyone's top ten speed dial numbers and on everyone's invite list. I am none of the above. I am greedy, selfish, self-centered and obstinate. I don't tithe, I'm a glutton, and I'm prideful. I am also very weak. I'm lonely and don't feel like I have anyone I can really talk to. I've lost my best-friend, but that has been a long time in the making. People change and we grew apart. I have a few friends but none that I hang out with regularly either because all they want to do is party (and I already don't have any money) or because we used to be close but have also grown apart and only talk every once in awhile. My husband loves me, but it's not the same. I have never been satisfied whenever I've talked with him about something that was bothering me, something that the Lord put on my heart, or even a dream I have of doing something. I play like I don't care about it. I put on the show that I'm too hard-hearted to care what anyone thinks of me, but we all know that nobody is truly that way. We all want to be loved and surrounded by tons of friends to hang out with and talk to. I'm too insecure about myself to make any friends. I always feel like people are judging me by my looks, my weight, etc. I don't feel like I'm smart enough, or funny enough, or entertaining enough, so I'll just lie to look that way and then people don't like me for who I really am and that enforces my belief that I'm not good enough being just plain me. I've been worried for quite sometime now about how I would be able to continue to pay the bills(and Me) when school starts back in January. My hours will be cut back a lot due to my school schedule and I've put in several applications at surrounding hospitals, only to be ignored or rejected. Now today the Lord spoke to my heart about my tithing, or lack thereof. It's a well known biblical fact that the Lord expects his children to give him ten percent of whatever they earn. Before taxes, before deductions, before any bills are paid, we are to pay Him first. I know this and I have flatly refused to do it. I've justified this with telling myself that I have so little already, the Lord understands that if I give anymore, I will not be able to survive. This is, of course, bullshit. I know it and I keep telling it to myself to justify my greed. My need to buy yarn, and books, and magazines, and go out to dinner, and whatever else just to make me feel better. I keep saying "I'll tithe when I'm making a lot of money and can afford it." Well, if you're familiar with the Bible, then you'll already know what I'm about to say. The Bible (and therefore God) says that if we don't tithe, we will not receive our riches. I know this. I've known it my whole life. What I don't know is why I refuse to believe it and put it into practice. I'm scared that it won't be true. I'm scared that I'll never be able to buy stuff for myself, always have to live with just enough money to pay the bills and tithe and that's it. I'm scared that the Bible (and therefore God) is not telling me the truth and that my needs won't be met. I'm also not a cheerful giver. I don't want to give God my money. (His money) I want to keep the meager amount I have and spend it on myself. In short, I want to do things my way instead of His way. He told me today that it was time to really start doing things His way or I would get no further. I cannot describe how upset I am with this. I can't buy new yarn. I can't listen to podcasts that talk about yarn shops and new places to buy yarn because I'll be tempted, I can't go out and buy, buy, buy. I am beyond nervous about how this will turn out but I can't live with the guilt anymore. I can't look at my phone and not see people calling me for an interview and then go home and face my children knowing that if only I was obedient, they would be living in abundance instead of relying on my earthly parents for all they have. I don't know if being obedient will give me a new job that will supply my need and leave plenty for God and more. I don't know if I will ever be a nurse or a doctor. If I will ever move to Wyoming or Montana like I dream of doing, if I will ever learn how to ride a horse and then have some horses of my own on my own ranch. I don't know if one day I will be able to have a subscription to every knitting/spinning/horse magazine that I love and be able to see a project/item that I want and just go online and order it. I don't know if I will even be able to get into Wright State's Nursing program for this Spring. What I do know is that I will be knitting a lot of socks for awhile(because that's the yarn I have stashed right now), and that I will be doing some spinning, and that I will be doing most of my fitness research online and will have to start tracking my food intake online as well because all these little excesses will have to stop until I start to do what is right. In addition to not tithing, I'm a serious glutton. I weigh almost 270 lbs. I'm 5'5" tall and I'm 27 years old. I am an emotional eater and though I really want to be 115 lbs, run a marathon to raise money to fight cancer, and compete in figure competitions (and maybe even place), I continue to eat, to not workout, and to wallow in self-pity about how ugly and fat I am. Last night my husband said,"Tomorrow is Sunday, a day for new beginnings." He is right. I'm not sure if I will be sucessful. I know that the enemy will try his hardest to defeat me, to keep me in my former habits and prevent me from receiving what God wants to give me. It will be very hard for me. I pray that God will work on my heart and that over time, getting healthy and giving to Him will become easy, even joyful and delightful. It is neither of those right now, but I am hoping the Lord will be with me and maybe even see fit to bless me. I have decided to start keeping a journal of my journey and my struggles. I will first outline a plan and then keep the journal with me always so that maybe when I am tempted it will help dissuade me. I've decided to keep a Bible with me always as well, and to also keep a book listing verses to read regarding different areas of temptation. Once again, I don't know if I will be successful. Because of who I am, it it very likely that I will fail. It is likely that in order to succeed, I will need a miracle.

Alas poor Stone Sweater, I Knit you well

2007-12-01T14:27:00.000-05:00

My husband shrunk Noah's Stone Sweater. A moment of silence please.( ). Ok. To play devil's advocate, all the sweater's I've made for the kids thus far have been machine washable. He didn't realize(even though I went ON and ON about how much I loved finally being able to afford to knit a sweater out of 100% Wool) that it would shrink. His rebuttle?, " I didn't put it in the dryer!" I know it's impractical to knit a child a sweater that must be handwashed, but I didn't mind washing it myself. I've included instructions with both sweaters I knit for my niece and nephew on how to handwash the sweater, with a note to just bring it to me for cleaning if my sisters-in-law don't want to go through the hassle themselves. Can't the kids have one or two really nice sweaters?? The worst part is that Noah took great care with that sweater b/c he listened to mommy tell him all about how you don't need to wash wool a lot, unless you get somethink on it, but that you don't want to get it very wet and rub it b/c it will shrink. He really loved that sweater and it broke his heart when he saw what had happened. It now fits the four year old, though it is a bit thicker and fuzzier now thanks to the fulling of the washing machine. The husband has promised to never wash another think I've knit unless he's checked with me first to see that it is ok. (You'd think he'd have learned the first time when he shrunk my merino socks, but we'll see if it sticks this time. ; P )
I've finished the front of Sean's Garter Stitch Aran Pullover and it's looking just fabulous. The back is coasting along nicely and should be finished by tomorrow evening. I'm expecting to be finishing it Saturday next. If I get ahead, I'll cast on for mom's Celtic Tote from Knits Winter 2007 issue. She wants it in purple with black accents so I found the perfect shade of Cascade 220 and a beautiful little silver celtic button to finish it off. Well, it's time to knit so off I go!

A Stripper? Seriously.

2007-11-24T22:52:00.001-05:00

I love it when the people you are knitting for get excited about what you're knitting for them. My big brother came down this weekend for Thanksgiving dinner (I know! I was suprised too!) and I took measurements for his sweater (oddly enough, his measurements actually mesh right up with the size I'm knitting, no adjusting necessary) and I showed him the sweater so far. He really likes it. "It's just what I wanted," he told me. And mom has requested the Celtic Tote from the latest Knits, but in purple and black. So I picked out a gorgeous shade of purple in Cascade 220 and a beautiful celtic knot button. She's so excited she even told me that if I don't have it done by Christmas, she'll finish it herself. No way. I'm making this purse and both it and the sweater will be done on time. I'm getting close to the neckline shaping on the front on Seans sweater and then I'll finish the back, three needle bind them off and knit the sleeves from the armholes. I decided that a regular drop-shoulder would look just as nice as the modified drop-shoulder that the pattern calls for. It's only a two-stitch decrease for the modified so screw it. The smell of Kookaburra in the air as the socks wash and the feel of Peruvian Highland wool sliding through my fingers, aaaaahhhhh, life is good.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2007-11-22T11:04:00.000-05:00

Ah yes, as I write my husbsand is eagerly beginning the ritual of the Thanksgiving day feast. The man was up a six o'clock getting things ready to cook. You have to understand my husbands excitement. In the nine years we've been together, we have never had a Thanksgiving to ourselves. Usually we spend it with his family or mine. This year my family can't make it until this weekend and so it's just us and he even ignored repeated calls from his mother (trying to give a guilt trip. I swear that woman is a nightmare!) The level of excitement my darling is exuding is tantamount to a six year old finding a new bike on Christmas morn. I know people think it's strange that being raised by a mom who cooks like Julia Child, that I don't. I actually do cook, and I'm quite a good cook at that, but I don't enjoy it quite like my husband. I enjoy trying out new recipes and when I'm in the mood to cook he let's me, but he's a back seat chef and he's always cooking over my shoulder so it gets annoying. So today I will knit and spin instead. I'm one and a half inches short of dividing for the front and back on my brothers sweater and I plan on making that plus get some of one side done today. I finished my first attempt at a 3-ply yarn last night.

It's a small skein of BFL, about 25-30 gms. I washed it and it's currently drying in the loo. When it's done I'll see what it's WPI are but I'm guesstimating it's a worsted/aran weight b/c that's what I'm aiming for. The ultimate goal of this experiment is a handspun & handknit gansey for my pops. I'm planning on making it out of Shetland wool. What I really want is to get a good fleece, wash/comb/card and spin it, then knit it for dad. It will probably be the only time I do it like that but I just really want to. I'll knit it from my own design too! Man I'm excited about this! I've started scoping around for a fleece and some handcards/combs. What fun!

Oops...There's a Wall There....

2007-11-17T20:36:00.000-05:00

So much for the family coming down this weekend. The brother is being...well....himself. And my mom is at home with a sick puppy. Dutchess, their cockerspaniel, is really not doing well. Poor puppygirl. = ( But, they will be making the trip next weekend, with the exception (probably) of my darling brother. Ya know, he's really lucky I love him. (jerk) My dad made it but he had no choice, he's teaching scuba diving all weekend. Still, I'm glad to see him. I love my Pops, despite the fact that he still treats me like I'm one of his troops. I'm nearly thirty years old and I still stand at attention when he calls me, go figure it must be Pavolovian. He talked me into running tonight and I needed that. He was my first running coach and he's still my best running coach. I had a really nice run and it made me feel better about messing up and eating three donettes. (Even though they equal about 1/2 of a full size doughnut and I've been good all day.) Well, I'm rambling so I'll sign off now.

Doing a Jig, Just for the Hell of It.

2007-11-16T09:32:00.000-05:00

I took my Forensic Psychology final this mornin and I rocked it! IT'S OVER! (yes I mean to be shouting, I'm really flippin excited!) I got an "A" on the Physiology Final and that gives me an "A" in the class. Still waiting on the final grade from my Computer Software class, but overall I am one extremely excited girl. AND....... I've lost nine pounds! WooHoo!. Now that school is over I can revamp my running schedule and get back on track before next quarter begins so this weight gain thing doesn't happen again (gotta keep it moving in it's current direction). Back to the Christmas knitting! I'll post pics soon of my progress on Sean's Christmas sweater. He'll be down this weekend for Thanksgiving with my folks (we're doing it early d/t work schedule obligations) so I'll get the final measurements and maybe some pics of my darling big brother too! He's too cute not to show off. I'm also finishing up the first of my Firestarter socks, which I may have to frog and reknit if the sizing is off (the foot looks kinda long, but if it's not too long, I'll wear it as is.)

Brain Hurts, Send Wool Please.

2007-11-14T10:59:00.001-05:00

Having spent the last week studying for my Physiology and Biophysics final exam, and pretty much ignoring everything and everyone else in the process, I am very pleased to announce that it is finally over. For better or worse, which I will discover tomorrow, I am done with my most difficult subject until January 7, 2008. Can I get an AMEN! I do have one more test to take on Friday but it's in Forensic Psychology and that subject is so fascinating that it just sticks in my head. Physiology is fascinating too, mind, but there is SO much to remember that it takes much more brain capacity. Wish me luck!

2007-11-05T18:08:00.000-05:00

Tired doesn't even begin to describe it. I'm so beyond tired I don't believe there is actually a word left to describe it. This quarter is finally coming to a close and I am looking forward to a break. I've made the final decision to find a new position and leave my current employer. I'm a little disappointed b/c I started applying two weeks ago and haven't heard anything yet from any of the companies except that one listed me as disqualified for a position even though there is no reason for me to be disqualified. I'm beginning to get discouraged. I'd like to start this new position before next quarter. I've been praying and I know that it it's not in God's will it won't happen but I'm hoping he'll will it.

2007-10-29T18:36:00.000-04:00

When I first made Noah his Stone's Sweater from the Natural Knitter, it was the end of May and too hot to wear it. Now, to say the least, it is no longer too hot. I let Noah put it on for school last Friday and he hasn't taken it off for more than an hour since (barring time sleeping and showering). He adores it. I've even caught him sniffing it, though I think he picked up this little habit from watching me stop to sniff while I was knitting it. He wore it to church yesterday and just felt the need to tell everyone that his mom made his new sweater and wasn't it the awesomest sweater ever?! Now THAT is satisfaction. I love my kids. I love knitting for my kids. I really love my kids loving that I knit for them. It makes all this mind-numbing schoolwork worth the effort just to be able to buy premium quality yarn to make them the most awesome sweaters/hats/gloves/socks ever. I know not everyone thinks making a sweater for an eight year old out of merino wool is smart, but I really don't care. I love making it and they love wearing it. I have a good supply of wool wash.

2007-10-24T18:47:00.000-04:00

So far, so good. School is going super this quarter and I've begun to search for a new position. I'll need one soon b/c I no longer have control over my school schedule anymore. Wright State has me at their mercy until they hand me over my degree. Oh well. I've also lost seven pounds and life is good.

2007-10-10T18:38:00.000-04:00

I'm probably going to avoid the computer all weekend. I have another Physiology and Biophysics exam next week and since I barely made an "A" on the last one I realize I'll need to devote a little more time to my studies to keep on top of the information. It's 4.0 or bust this quarter. I will not be denied. Plus, with the knitting needing some quality time, there just isn't enough time for too much dallying on the net.

It was a sign I tell ya, a sign!

2007-10-08T21:53:00.000-04:00

There was a thick fog over the land as I made my way to university this morning. It lay over the crops like a quilt and snaked through the hills and over the lakes like a ghost. It was perhaps one of the most beautiful sights I've beheld in a long time. A sunrise/set never fails to put me in awe, but folks underestimate the awe-value of a morning mist. Perhaps it is only because it reminds me so much of where I intend to retreat permanently. It seemed to me, on a morning where I was searching for a reason to keep the car on it's path to school, to be a gift of foresight. It said simply, "Keep hanging in there, hit the books, make the grade, and this is what you can have. A life of simplicity doing what you love, where you love, with those you love most alongside you." I needed that gift ever so much now that I've come to quite literally despise my job and all that it encompasses. It's not the field I despise. I could never not love medicine. Just my current job, my co-workers, hell, even my patients are forcing my....uh..patience? I thank God for those moments in time in which he shows me an ever so small glimpse of his plan and gives me just enough light for the step I am on plus a touch or so toward the end of the path.

Like stubbing your toe, only not as much fun.

2007-10-07T18:29:00.001-04:00

My brain is fried! Omg,I thought I knew all there was to know about Excel. To put it mildly, I don't. I've spent the last three hours working on two assignments that kicked my pretty, round arse! Oh well, at least the husband will have an excuse to rub it! ; P

Screw it for Today

2007-10-01T19:37:00.000-04:00

That's right, I said screw it for today. I stayed up to an unGodly hour last night studying for a Forensic psych exam and I am too tired to worry about what I'm putting in my mouth. When I'm this exhausted the phrase, "healthy eating" has no place in my working vocabulary. Tomorrow I will pay for today's indiscretion but that is tomorrow and right now all I want is chocolate and my knitting.

2007-09-26T11:09:00.000-04:00

First test of the quarter is over, yay! It took me an hour and ten minutes to complete it but I feel that I did well. I bet I get an "A". I know I missed the next to last question b/c I ping-ponged back and forth about it for ten minutes. In the end I chose false and when I double checked the answer was true. Oh well. Can't win'em all! Garter Stitch Aran Pullover is coming along nicely. It should be done in plenty of time for Christmas (only 88 shopping days left!). I figure I'll focus more on getting it done since it works up faster than the Celtic Icon Hoodie and then when I'm in the mood, I'll work on the hoodie. Since the hoodie will now be staying with me, I'll need to slim down in order to wear it and even though I adore the design, sewing up all those pieces and adding a zipper aren't exactly my idea of a good time. I've never added a zipper before. Come to think of it, I've only done sewing up on about two items. I'm more of an EZ knitter and I stick to the round (honestly, I believe circular came before straight). I have no qualms about doing it straight, it just takes longer and I'm usually pressed for time so I prefer minimal finishing. For something as cool as the Icon Hoodie though, I'm willing to take the time and do the work.

Update

2007-09-23T20:37:00.000-04:00

Let's see if I can get through this week without falling and breaking my hand. I have a huge test on Wednesday in Physiology so I've been studying like it's going out of style. I guess when I think about it, God planned for me to fall so that it would hurt too much to knit for longer than fifteen minutes at a time. It makes it much easier to choose to study. Also, I've taken a break from the Celtic Icon Hoodie since it'll probably be staying with me instead of becoming a Christmas present (long story don't ask) and I haven't lost enough weight to fit it comfortably yet. Also, I've started on my brother's Garter Stitch Aran Pullover from Tara Jon Mannings' Men In Knits and since I converted it to the round, it's going a lot faster and it's more satisfying at this point.

Today I'm Just Pissed Off

2007-09-19T18:14:00.000-04:00

Tell me why a school library would charge a college student $125 each for two books that cost lest than $30 dollars each? And they won't let me just turn them back in and pay the fines. I just don't get that. But this week has been a nightmare anyway so it would just figure that this would happen. I know that this too will pass because I have faith that God is with me and walking with me in this. I know that what I need to do is pray and it will come to pass. It just sucks. Thank God my hand is healing fast and soon I will be back up to full-fledge knitting. I'm sad that my Celtic Icon Hoodie will be staying with me instead of going to it's intended owner, but that was a decision that she made herself. My husband is a felon and her boyfriend is a cop who doesn't want to hang out with a felon and his wife. She said she told him she was still going to hang out with me but let's face it, she's suceptible to his will. Like I said, this week has just sucked. Next week will be better.

Christmas Knitting

2007-08-08T15:05:00.000-04:00

Well, so far I've finished two of the four sweaters on my Christmas knitting list. My nephew's and my niece's are both done. I posted pics of them on my MySpace. I'm very pleased with how they turned out. I also finished spinning and plying the Lisa Souza roving into sock yarn. It turned out lovely (even if I said so myself which I don't, every knitter/spinner I've shown it too has said so.) Now I have to hurry up and finish the second Sweetpea sock so I can start knitting socks from it. Katie's Celtic Icon Hoodie is coming along nicely but within the first seven lines I found two mistakes in the pattern. Now I have to check the Errata to see if there are anymore mistakes. Oh well. It's going to be a great sweater though. People keep asking me how I can stand to knit sweaters in the heat and it just boggles my mind....... I don't knit outside people. And quite frankly, because my husband works outside, our house is kept so very cold that a wool or alpaca sweater on my lap is very comfortable. Maybe I just have my knitting priorities backward but I base my projects on: 1) How much time I have to devote to them in relation to when they need to be done (if for a gift) and, 2) Whether or not school is in session. Example; right now I have loads of time to knit because school is not in session and therefore I can do larger projects like sweaters. Once school starts in September I will not have the time to devote to larger projects and my projects will also need to be easily taken from class to class. This is my time to knit Christmas sweaters so I can get as much done as humanly possible. Once school starts, so will my prime sock knitting season. Socks are perfect for me when I need a full project to satisfy me and I don't have a lot of time to devote. And they carry like a dream. Well, enough for now.

2007-07-31T11:33:00.001-04:00

Okay, so it's been a very busy last two weeks. After getting the notice from WSU that I will not be joining the Nursing program this quarter, I met with CQ, my advisor and she and I worked out a plan. I'll be taking some more of my Nursing required classes and boosting up my GPA so that when I apply again in the winter they will have no choice but to grant me access based on my sterlingness. This mean really boosting the Christmas knitting over the next month b/c come school term Sept 4., I won't be able to knit as much. I'll need to focus on my classes. I love knitting and I love my family and want to bless them with lovely hand-knitted gifts but at the same time, I don't support my family by knitting and I've got a career ahead of me that will allow me to buy LOTs and LOTs of fabulous yarns for fabulous projects and LOTs and LOTs of fabulous fiber to spin and even allow me to purchase that Golding wheel I dream of owning, .....but I've got to get through school first and so I'm taking David Reidy's advice and letting the knitting time find me after the priorities have been met. Thanks David! There's always Christmas break to knit and, well, there's always next year!

Go Big or Stay Home

2007-07-17T16:31:00.000-04:00

Has it really been almost three weeks since I posted? Wow. Well, I finished my nephew's Christmas sweater and I'll be posting pictures soon. I had perfect photographing weather on Saturday but alas, I was finishing the sweater that night. We haven't had good photo shoot weather since. It's been gray and yucky. But the sweater looks great if I do say so myself (why not, everyone else I've shown it too says it.) I've now started on my nieces Christmas sweater. It's from the same Cabin Fever book but it's the Twisted Cables Pullover. I'm using Alpaca With A Twist Baby Twist in Orchid. It's the first time I've knit with alpaca. I've got plenty of alpaca fiber to fondle and a couple skeins of Garnstudio alpaca, but I've not knit with it yet. I know they say you shouldn't make sweaters out of alpaca b/c they 'grow' d/t lack of elasticity and that it's too hot for a sweater but quite frankly, the kid never remembers to wear a jacket outside when it's cold so she needs all the help she can get, and also this pattern looks like it will hold pretty well as a sweater with all the twisting involved. We'll see. If nothing else, it is heavenly to knit and I'm enjoying myself. I just hope my sisters - in - law don't mind too much when I tell them to bring the sweaters to me to clean. God forbid I leave it to them. Aside from the kids sweaters I, of course, have socks OTNs. Sweetpeas from this months Knitty, with only a couple modifications. I omitted the ruffled cast-on and just did a plain k2p2 and I'm knitting with zeros so I upped the stitch count by another twenty. The yarn is Schaeffer Anne in a gorgeous blues and greens colorway that I was originally going to make Pomatomas' with but after working the Pomatomas almost halfway down the foot I decided that I really didn't like the socks so I frogged them and saved the yarn for a better pattern. I found the Sweetpeas the next day. I'm doing well on my Christmas(or so) knitting.The kids will have theirs and Katie will have hers. I'm hoping to get my brother's done as well but it may take a little longer than I have available. My brother wants a gansey or a fisherman but I have to find just the right pattern for him. I'll probably end up designing it myself. For my dad, his sweater will be a Christmas/birthday present b/c I hope to have it done by the end of March when he can still wear it. See, my dad's project is special. I'm going to spin the yarn from roving and then knit a sweater I design myself just for him. I'm excited but it's a little daunting. If I buy the roving now, I can work on the spinning during my regularly scheduled spinning time. Then just as soon as my brother's sweater is done I can finish up the spinning if there's any left to do and start the knitting. On a different note, I'm still waiting to hear if I start my nursing classes this term or if I have to wait. If I start this term it's my goal to have a new job in the next month. If I don't start classes this term, it's my goal to have a new job in the next month or two. Either way, I plan to have a new job by Ocotober. I'm feeling pretty puny today, I even went home from work early, so I'm gonna leave off here. But I'll be back in a couple of days with pictures of the nephew sweater, the Sweetpea socks in progress, and the Twisted Cables sweater in progress. As well as pictures of my Dutchess when she comes to visit over the next week.

2007-06-29T20:43:00.000-04:00

There are some days in this life of mine that are just going to suck. Today was one of them. Now, yesterday was a bad day. I woke up with a headache and it steadily got worse as the day went on. It took two ibuprofen and two cups of Tension Tamer to even take the edge off. That was nothing compared to today. I pretty much spent all of today sniffling and crying quietly while going about my daily routine at the demonic playground I call my office. So far it's taken an hour of sock knitting on my lunch and an hour of hear and there hand spindling some merino/tencel to start to make me feel human again instead of like this dark creature with leathery black wings and snakes for hair. I'm not kidding, that place sucks all that is decent and good out of me. I start the day a happy, life loving gal and end it a monster with no goodness left in me and a desire to harm. Tonight my children and husband are watching the TATU at the air force base. They wanted me to go with them. I wanted to go with them. I just couldn't. I've spent the last hour getting my resume together and emailing people who I'd like to give me a reference should I need one. I have to leave that place. If I don't, there's no telling what will happen. I've been staying there out of loyalty and today that loyalty was betrayed. In a most cowardly and malicious way. I'm not a perfect christian, seriously I'm flying just above the fire, but I know when it's time to pray and that's what I've been doing all day and what I'll continue to do until such time as it is answered. Matthew 21:22 says it for me "And whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive."

My Mother and Me

2007-06-23T15:43:00.000-04:00

My relationship with my mother is complicated. My mother is a good person. She's very creative and much what they call a 'free spirit'. But my mother is my mother. And being my mother she has a tendency to piss me off more than anyone else can, with the exception of my husband. We were not very close while I was growing up. I was more of a "daddy's girl" and my brother more of "mom's boy". I've always loved her, that's never been an issue. I was fiercely defensive of her when people just didn't 'get' her or her very independent nature. I just wasn't very close to her. I didn't understand her or why she was the way that she was. I never felt that we had anything in common and that I was more like my dad. Then circumstances changed and I found myself relying on my mom a whole lot. Over the last eight years, I've gotten to know my mother a lot better. Some through actual conversation with her and some through just being a mom myself. You see, I've come to understand that the way she behaved quite often was just her being a mom. Not just my mom but A mom. Sometimes moms just have to be moms. And through talking with my mom I've gotten to know her a little better. But she still does some stuff that just irritates the crap out of me. Like automatically assuming that if I'm talking about something in an excited manner then that means that I'll be persuing it. Take for instance the possibility of my taking horse riding lessons. I was very excited about this possibility and my mom was the first person I called seeing as how a) she's my mom and, b) she used to ride and show. Her response was one of immediate dissaproval. Not of the idea itself, but of the cost given my current financial status. I was in a hurry when I called her and also got a little irritated with her so I had to end the call rather abruptly. She, of course, took this to mean I was furious with her and not going to listen to a word she said. So then I talked with my husband about it. He said that though the money looked like it would be available, it really wouldn't be given other expenses I had neglected to remember. *facepalm* Ok, well so much for THAT idea. No go. Maybe after nursing school? He agreed. But it was too late, mom was already pissed and that meant a long time of her being pissed and many future conversations with it being brought up. Then, the un-returned phone calls, and the side comments from my father about how "you've really pissed off your mom. I don't know what you did, but she's awfully upset about something." I just can't win. She's cool with my knitting as long as I'm not buying yarn. She's cool with my buying random ridiculous stuff for the boys as long as it's not for me. I love my mother. God only knows how much I love my mother. But sometimes I just want to kill her. I know the feeling is mutual and though it hurts me to say it, I'm a lot more like my mother than I will ever be willing to admit.

What does your life say about you?

2007-06-17T17:02:00.000-04:00

Have you ever thought about what your life says about you? What do your house, your car, the clothes you wear or the songs you sing say about you? Do you have one face that you show to the world and one that you show when it's only you? Are you afraid to show who you really are? Do you have the 'perfect' job/spouse/look, etc., and yet you still aren't really happy? Why is that? Well, there are many psychological theories that say as human beings we need acceptance from the herd. Those that don't fit in are stigmatized and essentially cut off from the rest. Or.....are they? Is it wrong, or even really that bad to be cut off from a society that doesn't want you if you don't want to be just like everybody else? Since the first tribes roamed our lands there have been 'outsiders'. It's just part of our nature. We get comfortable with a certain way of life and anyone who doesn't fit the mold of that way of life makes us uncomfortable. Take Jesus for example. He made the leaders of Israel very uncomfortable. Here was this guy, claiming to be the son of God, just rocking their world. He hung out with thieves, hooker, and (yikes!) the IRS guys. Oh. No. This guy MUST be bad news. Well. We all know how that turned out in the end. So....maybe being different in actually.......better? Now let's take a look at ourselves. Do you get your kicks out of stigmatizing the outsiders? Are you one of those people who see someone walk through the door and are instantly assessing them head to toe and making mental (and verbal) note of everything wrong with them? Do you wear a cantaloupe colored shirt with teal socks and have the audacity to comment on your co-worker's decision to wear candy-apple red pumps with a dark red shirt? And do you bother to look at yourself before commenting on another person's physique? Are you looking at them with brotherly love and a desire to help or just feeding the demons within? Isn't it easier to talk about someone else than it is to stop and take a good look at oneself? Here's a thought, why don't you find someone you normally wouldn't think you'd be friends with and make it a point to break down the wall between you. Find someone that you may have ostracized in school or someone who maybe wasn't in the honors classes you were in. Find them and change the world before it's too late. Only when we break down the walls that keep us apart can we truly become the people we are meant to be. Take a look at your life and answer me this: What does YOUR life say about you?

Mindbabble

2007-06-10T20:18:00.001-04:00

Tomorrow I'll be uploading some of the pictures I scanned in today from my photo portfolio. This thursday after work I'll be doing my orientation at Rosewood to use their darkroom. My plans for my first visit is to enlarge some of the medium format Holga pics I took at Cox Arboretum last summer and also some of the infrared I took the same day. I have some really pretty proofs that are going to make awesome prints. I'm finishing the first sleeve on Noahs sweater tonight and I'm almost to the heel flap on the lime and violet Traveler's. I'm so bored with both of these projects but I'm fighting the Cast-Onitis. I already planning the next sweater I'm doing. It's the Sam's Delight sweater from Cabin Fever. It's for my nephew Jayden. He wants a blue and green sweater which is so perfect for his skin color. He has skin the color of caramel macchiato. I wuv him. He calls me Auntie Bicky. He's only two. Off to the wool!

2007-06-07T18:48:00.001-04:00

It's over! Oh. My. God. I thought it was never going to end! I got a "B" on the research paper of doom, an "A" on the final in the the demon's class, I'm probably going to get "B"s in the other two classes too so that'll keep my GPA pretty close to what it currently is and that is good. Now I just need to get my application to the College of Nursing turned in and we are like the crunchwrap supreme... good to go. Oh incidently, I would have gotten a "A" on the research paper but the demon said that since there were no pictures to illustrate the courthouses I was discussing, he didn't feel validated in assigning an "A". Because (and I quote), "If there's anything you should have learned in my class it's that you can't talk about buildings without plenty of photographs." What-ever. Who cares. It's over! To celebrate this momentous occasion I bought three new books: Fitted Knits by Stephanie Japel (you know... Glampyre?), Family Knits by Debbie Bliss (omg I love this book, so many cute patterns!), and Natural Healing by Mark Evans. The one I'm most excited about it Natural Healing. I've always been into essential oils and aromatherapy but this book covers a LOT more. It covers Herbalism, Aromatherapy, Naturopathy, Homeopathy, Bodywork, Eastern approaches and lots more. This is one of the books I would want to have with me if I were ever to be thrust back in time through a circle of stones.(Did I mention btw, that I adore the Outlander series? I AM Claire Fraser!) Another would be my PDR on Herbs and Supplements and also my Essential Oils Handbook. Oh, and my Army Field surgery handbook and a suture set would be nice, ..... and a package of size 10 blades and various sized of catgut, and maybe one of those books about how to be self-sustaining (dude, for twenty bucks you can't NOT have one of these books. There are three different ones at B&N and they all pretty much cover the same stuff. We're talking everything form basic first aid to canning, to building your own home, to growing stuff to you name it , it's in there.) Anyway, I'm pretty pysched about all the time I've got now to knit and spin and, oh yes, LEARN TO RIDE AND TAKE OF HORSES!!!! As if it weren't magical enough (speaking of magic check out the latest issue of Faerie magazine it's got Candice Knight of Blackmore's Night on the cover in deep purple velvet and gorgeous gossamer wings!) I have a patient who is a horse trainer and I've spoken with her many times regarding my desire to learn how to ride and someday soon to purchase my first (of many) horse. We hit it off right from the start with her visit into the office (especially over a long discussion of 'slumber party syndrome' and the intricacies of raising three year old boys, which we both have) and she's never mentioned that she also trains people to ride the horses. That is until today. I was asking her about how much I could expect to pay for first-timer adult lessons and she said between sixty and eighty dollars. I was floored. Sixty to eighty dollars?! A week?! I was so depressed. There is no way on God's green earth that I can afford sixty dollars a week for lessons. Then she hands me her card and smiles, "Come see me. I'll train you and I'll provide all the gear and the horse. But if you continue with it, you'll have to eventually buy your own helmet." I asked how much. Thirty-five dollars. For private lessons! And she'll let me pay bi-weekly for my lessons.(I could pay weekly but I get paid bi-weekly so it's more convenient) She said she could do evening or weekend sessions since it would be just me and I could start whenever I wanted! I have to think about it but I've looked at the budget and with my working full hours again and not having to drive out to school all the time, the money is there for it! And if I go to her barn from either job it's only a fifteen minute drive! Do angels wear chaps and spurs or what! (Sorry Miss Violet, not that you read this, but I've always been a cowgirl, but I love you anyway!) Dude, I could be riding in two and a half weeks! Off to the wool!

Corona, Blood Red Sunsets, and Classical Guitar

2007-06-02T20:40:00.000-04:00

Man, if I ever lose my sight the first thing I will do (after panicking) is to crack open a Corona Extra and fire up the iPod and hit my "Guitar" playlist. That's all I need to see the fiery Mexican sunsets streaking across the sky. A little Estaban and Armik and I'm good. And there is absolutely nothing like the sound of Flamenco to bring out the sexy in me. A few chords and I'm there. Dude, where is Antonio Banderas when you need him!

2007-05-31T17:57:00.000-04:00

As this quarter comes to an end I am getting giddy with thoughts of all the free time I'll have again to knit and spin and run and read. Omg, I'm so excited. So far it looks like the ole GPA will see no detriment from this quarter although I will have to do a LOT of studying this weekend to make ready for the two tests on tuesday in Micro and Organic Chem and then the ridiculous Architecture class. But it will be so nice once it's all over and I have a nice pretty little GPA to show for it and acceptance into the College of Nursing and Health. Yay! "Alright, back to your knitting. This is going to be awkward enough without all you sots listening in." - a Weasley twin.

Soothing Stockinette

2007-05-29T19:51:00.000-04:00

I have to knit a LOT of stockinette on the Stone sweater for Noah. Since it's only a size 8-10 it's not a whole lot of stockinette but it is. And i'm knitting and knitting and not stopping. It's so repetative that it's soothing. I don't know. Sometimes I get bored with it but mostly I just let my thoughts wander. I tend to work on stories in my mind while I'm knitting stockinette. Yet another stupid dream of mine I guess. Everbody's got to have one.
I've mentioned that I taught my crocheting mom how to knit and know she's a knitter who sometimes crochets. She started right out the gates knitting my dad a sweater. My mom has never been one to go gently into that good night. She is now wanting to knit socks b/c she's a big fan of the pairs I've made her. So we got her some pink and white heathered sock yarn, a couple of size 3 circs and we've made it to the first gusset decreases. She'll get this sock thing in no time.

Wild hairs are NOT to be left unattended to.

2007-05-28T11:20:00.000-04:00

So last night I was washing the dishes (um, yeah, my dishwasher is my two hands), and I got this wild hair to start knitting Noah a sweater. I'd been planning on designing him one after working the sampler from The Sweater Workshop, but since I haven't had time to read it yet I decided that I could work on a design later and that designing one for Malachi would probably be a better idea seeing as he is smaller. So I remembered a sweater I'd seen in The Natural Knitter called the Stone Sweater and decided to start that one. I even liked the Wedgewood blue it was shown in and Noah had been asking that his next sweater be blue. So I put the next sink full in the hot, soapy water and set off for the only place open at ten o'clock on a Sunday night that carries good wool, Meijer. I bought four skeins of Patons Classic in New Denim. It looks very little like denim and very much like Wedgewood. In fact, it's the exact same shade as the one in the book. So I cast it on. I finished the dishes first though. I made it through the first five rows before realizing that I was eleven stitches short of the 128 I needed to make the 8-10 size. Now I already knit smaller than gauge, and I was counting on this b/c my kid is tall and skinny. I can always lengthen it but honestly, he swims in most stuff. His favorite accesory is belts, otherwise his pants would always be at his ankles. So I was counting on my usual tighter gauge to bring in the width a touch but eleven stitches equals a little over two inches too small and that would be a little too small. So, of course, I ripped it out and cast on again. It was one in the morning before I got back to the same place I'd been when I'd ripped. My hands hurt. My wrists hurt and my contacts were sticking to my eyeballs. I'd spent most of the day working on my Travelers socks (and realizing that the socks are Lime and Violet, how weird is that considering that I'd bought the yarn before I'd started listening to LnV?) Anyways, so now I'm working on the Stone Sweater and here's my current sweater cue in order of when to be knit:

Noah
Dad
Sean
Jayden
Shawna
Kate
Chris
Me

Yeah, I'm going to be making sweaters til Christmas, yeowch.

2007-05-25T22:53:00.001-04:00

When I first was taught to spin, my spinning instructor, the almighty Arlene of Fiberworks, told me that it would be better for me to spin for just five or ten minutes every day than to spin for two hours once a week. I understood her logic and still do. The problem is that it's much easier for me to carve out an hour or two once a week than five to ten minutes every day. That is, until this semester is over. So tonight I'd had about all the separation from Ashley that I could stand and just had to spin. I pulled Ashley out, pulled out the Mardi Gras from Lisa Souza and set about continuing to fill my first bobbin with what is to be sock yarn. I've found that I have a knack for this spinning fine thang. Oh,wait, that's right, it's probably because I've been practicing. *duh* but in all seriousness, I love that when I test the twist it shows me an almost perfect sock yarn weight which means that it will untwist a little during plying and then fluff up a little during washing into perfect sock yarn! And then I've got lot's more fiber to spin. Some things I do need to remind myself though: when my back is practically spasming from the act of spinning it's time to take a break, walking away from the wheel is sometimes good for our working relationship and our friendship, and always remember to never fear what you have not yet attempted and never regret what you have already accomplished. Life is a journey so take the high road, it's not easy but you'll get where you need to go and the scenery is much better.

It's not the end of the tunnel, but I can see it from here.

2007-05-23T18:39:00.000-04:00

The research paper of doom is now happily in the mailbox of my instructor. And I am NEVER going to take a course like this again. Only two more weeks and the whole quarter is over. Thank God!

Randomness

2007-05-20T17:09:00.000-04:00

Well, tonight I will be working on the Research paper of doom and so right now I'm getting all the playing around done that I can. I've downloaded some more songs and played with my new myspace page a bit. It's been a relaxing, non-productive day and I'm okay with that. I'm only going to work on the paper a little b/c I have some spinning that I want to get done.
I posted on the LnV message boards about my new Different Kind of Yarn Diet. Instead of preventing myself from buying any more yarn, instead my plan is to reward my weight loss with yarn and projects. I'm making a list of the projects and yarns I want and as I reach specific goals I will purchase those yarns and projects. I plan to accomplish most of my loss over the course of the next year but I plan to squirrel away the money over the summer when my hours are at their highest and so I'll have a little extra to spare. My goal is not so much a certain amount of weight, although I do have an actual goal established, but more a specific body composition. Exercise is a big part of my plan. Well, off to the books.

Whining, and blubbering. Probably ought to turn away now.

2007-05-19T14:54:00.028-04:00

Ever have those days when losing all sense of control and committing unspeakable acts of horror upon your co-workers seems like the swell thing to do? Me neither, just checking. But if I was to think about it today would be the day. I can't stand my office. I loathe my job and I despise my co-workers. Honestly if it weren't for the insane amount of loyalty shown to me by my boss, I would have left after the first week. I've been there two and a half years now. You'd think after two and a half years that the vipers I work with would have gotten tired of their insidious games. Nope, not these women. They are still at it. If I talk about school, I'm "pretentious and trying to sound smart/ make them sound stupid" ( like I'm physically forcing their vocal cords to spew out their ridiculousness), and if I mind my own business like I have been for the last month or so then I'm "pretentious, arrogant, and thinks she's too good to talk to us." My boss is so tired of their whining and she knows that it's pushing me to find another position sooner than we'd originally planned. She knows that once I start clinicals that I'll be working somewhere I can get on third shift or second shift. Probably back at one of the area hospitals, but this is making me re-evaluate my decision to wait to the end of summer.
What exactly is SO horrible about me that I can't seem to make friends with a majority of women? I have exactly 5 female friends that can truly be described as friends. I've asked them all and they have no clue. They think I'm an excellent friend. I've asked if I'm too bossy. The unanimous answer is no. Am I too smart? Again, no (but I do tend to use works they aren't accustomed to hearing on a regular basis). Am I ugly? Despite what my online pictures display, I'm actually not bad looking. OK then, what the hell is it? Too needy? Too distant? Too raunchy? Not raunchy enough? Too christian? Not christian enough? Too out-there? What!?!
Yeah, they couldn't help me. My husband says I'm just a "unique" personality. I know I'm stubborn, bull-headed, sarcastic, and some times I do boost my ego by using big words, but I'm also kind, patient, loving, always there to give hugs, and the kind of person who will stop what they're doing to come help you out of a jam. I frequently show my love with hand knitted items and baked goods. I cry all the time (especially around my cycle). I love every kind of creature there is and I try REALLY hard not to judge anyone, even after I get to know them. I adore people more creative than myself (hence my love/stalking of Lime and Violet) and I envy people who can just walk into a room light it up. I'm told that when I'm in a good mood I am super hilarious and I love to make people feel comfortable and welcome around me. I really are about my patients and I get really upset when my co-workers talk bad about them. I get irritated when people around me are judged by someone for the way they look or believe. I would never set myself apart from anyone because our views on politics or religion dissented. Overall I think I'm pretty decent. I know I can be bitchy and I'm sorry but for goodness sake, cut me some slack. I work two jobs and go to school full-time. I don't to see my kids, knit or spin even a tenth as much as I'd like too and all I want to do is my part to heal the wounded both physically and emotionally. Boy, it's a good thing nobody reads this blog because I'm seriously being a whiner. I know, I know, I'll suck it up.

Obligatorty Mindbabble by the Queen of Procrastination

2007-05-16T22:54:00.000-04:00

So I skipped my architectural history class tonight in order to prepare for the research paper that I'll be writing over the next week. I was a good girl and went to the library and not the student union. And I got NOTHING done! I have, in true Lime and Violet fashion, named this paper the Research Paper of Dooooom. I have to write a ten page research paper,( not including cover page, pictures, footnotes or bibliography) about the history of Ohio's courthouses. That being said I think all will agree that my teacher is, in fact, one of the lesser demons of hell and out to destroy GPA. This is an ELECTIVE class! It's not required for ANY major! What the !@#$%. Ow, ow, ow, my head hurts.
Moving on, I finished my Jaywalkers in the Interlacements Tiny Toes Carbon Dioxide colorway and they are gorgeous! The pattern is nice but these would have rocked in a plain vanilla sock pattern. I love this yarn. I'll get pictures soon. I was a little dissappointed when I had a little bit of dye come out in the first wash (I did a gentle handwash with Kookaburra), but the color hasn't been too noticably affected. I'm now working on the Traveler's Stockings from Knitting on the Road by Nancy Bush. I'm using Jojoland in a pretty blue/green/purple colorway that I thought wasn't superwash but I found out that the Jojoland Melody colorways with a 'J' in front of the 'Y' of the color are actually superwashes. I'm still only going to handwash all my knitted socks but it's nice to know that if the husband accidentally gets ahold of them, they'll be okay. I've been doing a lot of spinning over the past few days after taking a brief hiatus d/t the folks being in town. I've been spinning the Mardis Gras Superfine/Superwash Merino from Lisa Souza and it's so pretty I can hardly wait to get it all spun and plied up. I'm spinning it pretty thin so it can be sock weight and I must say I'm impressing myself with how consistent it's spinning up, but then again when you start with a fantastic product you tend to get better results. Since I'm restricted from puchasing any new yarn or fiber until after school is out I'm lusting over quite a few now. As soon as I can I'm heading over to Happy Fuzzy Yarn and getting some of their BFL and then popping over to a great little spot called Kendig Cottage. I'm also going to try and score some Lime and Violet stuff if it's not sold out before my embargo is lifted. And as for yarn, Knitting Notions is my first stop. I met the owner at the Upper Valley Fiber Arts Festival two weeks ago and she is the sweetest gal. Catherine Harrison is her name and I would have purchased from her that day except she was the last booth I stopped by and, well, I was broke by then. But she had the PRETTIEST yarn! I asked about her dyeing technique and she gave me a tutorial on space dyeing right there and then! Now that's the kind of person I want to keep in buisness, someone who'd rather pass on the knowledge to keep the art alive rather that miser it away out of greed and fear of competition like some others I've asked about dyeing. So anyway that's about it. I'm doing a little reading now too. I bought the book America Knits awhile back and I'm reading through it one designer at a time. I also got the book The Natural Knitter about the same time and I'm slowly going through that as well. I've been told I should work as a knitting/spinning trendcaster because it seems to those around me in my fiber circles that I'm ahead of my time on picking up the books/yarns/projects that end up becoming popular. I told my mom this and she, of course, balked at the idea. "Medical school is where you're going, not Knitting school." I informed her that I was aware of this and in no way intending on discontinuing my medical studies to pursue a career in fibercasting, but that if I could make some money on the side to help pay for medical school, well, what would be the harm in that? She responded by picking up the sweater she's been knitting for dad and asked,"So, do you think this color was a good choice?"

Is there really anything better?

2007-05-03T17:02:00.000-04:00

Every morning my little ones get up early and crawl into bed with me. They snuggle in close and we get to cuddle for about twenty minutes before I have to get up and get going. This is my favorite part of the day, yes I love it even more than knitting or spinning. I could live without my yarn, my needles, my fiber or even a handspindle, but without my babies life just isn't worth it. They really are what life is all about and those who do not hold them to the highest honors don't deserve them. Nuff said.

Brain is Mush, Send Yarn.

2007-05-02T22:26:00.000-04:00

Ok.....took my first exam in History of Am.Architecture and now my brain is mush. Actually about halfway through the six short essay questions I had to answer, my brain started to cry and beg for mercy, by the end it was just a wimpering, quivering blob huddled in one corner of my head whispering things about Latrobe's biggest commission being the Capitol building and not "some church." I'm pretty sure it was also mumbling something about the Early Georgian and Federal styles being too similar and that it was a trick question. And now I'm trying to coax it into studying Organic Chemistry for my test tomorrow...... it just yelped and ran away. Damn! I've lost my mind now, now what am I going to do? Maybe a beer, or better yet, I've got Captain Morgans in the fridge. WooHoo! Good times. Oh...I made a mistake in the fiber content of the Rasberry Fudge from this weekend, it's angora not alpaca. I was filing away the receipt this morn and saw it. It's super fun anyways I can't wait to play with it. At the festival I was walking around with it in the booth before I bought it and, naturally, I was petting it. Some lady said I should make it my pet roving. Funny. I laughed so hard I didn't.

Testing

2007-05-01T18:39:00.000-04:00

let's give it a try...holy mary it WORKED! I'm ecstatic! Wow, so we're back... at least for now right?
Cool, well for those that haven't made it over to As the Whorl Turns (and cue music) this weekend I went to the Upper Valley Fiber Arts Festival. I scored big. We're talking alpaca/silk/merino/polwarth blend in Rasberry Fudge, pure alpaca in wild colors, baby camel down/tussah silk that looks good enough to eat, and last but not least (since Monday of last week was my b-day and essentially the whole week sucked) an ounce of dove grey cashmere!!!!! .... And then I was promptly overcome with buyers remorse. OH, I also bought an additional bobbin for my Ashford Joy DT ( i only had the three that came with it and I want to try 3-plys) and a one ounce Ashford drop spindle to carry in my knitting bag. So now I'm not allowing myself to purchase any yarn or fiber (at least in very limited ) quantities until after school is out and I'm back to working forty hours b/c right now my budget is really tight and, well, you know what the Harlot says..... you can't eat cashmere!Along with the no-buying, i'm also limiting my knitting and spinning until I can get cought up with the schoolwork. I fell a little behind and now am cramming for two tests this week whilst trying to start churning out the draft on the ten page research paper on Courthouses in Ohio for my History of American Architecture class (I repeat Glenn Harper is a slave driver). And look at me, all excited and I've gone and spent too much time hear when I need to be studying the intricate differences btw Colonial/Georgian/Federal/Greek Revival/Egyptian Revival/Gothic/Victorian Gothic and Italianate Styles of architecture.(whatever)

Blogger help Helped!

2007-04-30T13:31:00.000-04:00

Finally figured out what the problem is.... we think. Will experiment more when I get home. Until finished for certain will continue to blog at http://asthewhorlturns.inthesphere.com which is my new blog site that I created prior to Bloggers latest attempt to help. Will probably continue blogging here temporarily until I get the new blog going for awhile and then will phase out Blogger. Sampa is just so much easier to use! If you're interested try it at www.sampa.com

2007-04-17T12:47:00.000-04:00

Ok, I was going to post Merino Lace pics but they just aren't clear enough since I reduced the file size so I'm not going to. But they came out perfect. I used CTH Supersock in Martha's Vineyard. I'm almost done with the leg on the first Tofutsies Jaywalker. I've comtemplated a few times frogging it and making them in a better yarn but decided instead that I wouldn't let this beat me so I'm going to make these stinking (literally, what's up with the smell thing anyway?) socks if it kills me. The bonus is they're going really quickly so it shouldn't be too long before they're done and I can move on to more enjoyable socks. I'm thinking of making a pair of Roza's in my Lisa Souza Sock! Merino Joseph's Coat. I'm still waiting for my latest order from Lisa. I ordered almost TWO WEEKS ago and still haven't received an email saying it's on it's way. She let me know almost immediately that she had to do a run of one of the colors I ordered but in the first email she said she would be running it first thing the next week, and when I wrote for an update over a week later she told me the exact same thing. So...... It's two weeks later and here I sit. I ordered three skeins of Sock! and 4oz of Superwash roving. If I don't hear from her in the next day or so, I'm going to cancel my order. I know it sounds cranky of me and she's doing her own dyeing, but I've had a rough couple of weeks and I need pretty yarn to play with, NOW! Every now and then, I'm allowed to be demanding and bitchy for a couple of weeks. It's been about a year since my last pryncess tantrum so I guess I'm due. In all reality I'm not going to cancel the order, but I am going to bitch about it. Oh, speaking of throwing tantrums, my husband went to court this morning with my stepson's mom b/c she's trying to get him held in contempt for failure to pay his support. Now to be honest he only didn't pay for about a year and only b/c his boss gave him crap about doing the paperwork to withhold it from his check AND the mom hasn't let us see him since Malachi was about three months old when our stepson told us some very disturbing things and we had her investigated by childrens' services. She decided to throw a tantrum and has been withholding visitation for nearly three and a half years despite repeated attempts by Chris to get to see his son. Legally she is contempt of the visitation order but we don't have the money to hire a lawyer to go to court on it and she knows it. That, however, worked against her this morning when she went into the courtroom and faced the same judge that ruled on the case originally. Back then he actually told her, " Young lady, you need to grow up." She wasn't to happy to see him again. He asked my husband why he didn't pay his support for that period of time (he's been having taken out for six weeks now) and my husband answered, "Sir, it would probably help my case more to simply answer 'lack of responsibility' but the truth is I haven't been motivated b/c I haven't been allowed to see my son." The judge's whole demeanor changed and he turned to the mom and said," This is ridiculous. I'm not ruling on this today. I want to see you both back in five months and when I see support has been consistently paid for this period of time, I WILL dismiss this case." You should have seen her face! It was priceless! TADOW! I can't wait until I'm a doctor and we take full custody of my stepson. Then we'll move to Wyoming and SHE can see what it's like to not see him. Oh, I'm not going to deny visitation... she'll just have to get her fat butt out to Wy every two weeks and every wednesday night! I love it I love it I love it. .... Man, I'm going straight to hell.

I AM the MFing Pryncess and a review of Tofutsies.

2007-04-16T20:45:00.000-04:00

I had my yearly evaluation at work today and my boss nearly had to deflate my head so that I could get out the door after she finished telling me what an asset I am and how she's one of my biggest fans!Then she asked about what upset me last week and I let it all out. I told her about the gossipping about my "mistake", she agreed it was silly and I wasn't in the wrong at all. I also got a couple of other things off my chest that also regarded the same person who was a major instigator in the gossiping buisness and at the end she was laughing but then she sighed and said. " I think it may be time for someone to leave. I wish it didn't have to come down to that...etc." She'd already told me earlier last week that I was a key player in the office and that I was higher on the totem pole than most of the gals giving me trouble. So even if that person isn't let go, at least I know that the boss is on MY side and all's well that ends well! Plus... I might get a bigger raise b/c Dr. Boyles has been talking me up big time! That would rock! So yes.... I am the pryncess! Now.... on to my review of the SWTC Tofutsies sock yarn. I have color #728. I call it Tequila Sunrise. I'm using it to do my first pair of Jaywalkers. Now, the yarn is beautiful and soft to the touch..... in a ball. It's 50% Superwash Wool, 25% Soysilk Fibers, 22.5% Cotton, and 2.5% Chitin (ground up crab shell). It has a gentle sheen to it and looks very much like Trekking only, ... it's no where near as nice. It knits like it's all cotton. There is very little sproing, ok, there's none. And maybe it's just me, but it has a smell when you knit with it. I can't quite describe it. It almost smells like it's burning. Very weird.

I shot this against some white paper so you could see the colors better but the pic isn't nearly as clear when it's posted as on my screen. Oh well. It has lovely colors and I will finish the socks b/c I'm sure it will wear just fine once it's done. And I'm sure they'll look great in my new shoes!

Aren't they pretty?! They are my fourth pair of Danskos. I absolutely love Dansko shoes. I buy one pair a year when I can. These are my favorites. I have a pair of classic black Professionals. Two pairs of Casey, one white pair for work and one brown pair for casual wear. And these are the Marcelle. Gorgeous! I also finished my Merino Lace socks from the new Interweave 25 Timeless Socks. I had some pictures uploaded but I accidently erased them and now my stupid internet connection is deciding to be a dick and not let me re-load them. I load them tomorrow.

2007-04-12T17:36:00.000-04:00

In all honesty.... sometimes it just sucks to be a mom. Like last night, I'm parked a mere thirty meters from the entrance of the building where my Architechtural History class is held. It's raining. Just a light rain. Now, b/c it was supposed to rain all day and I knew I would be able to park close to said class, I left the umbrella with my husband to go get the kids from the sitters without getting wet. As I'm exiting my vehicle to head into class the rain starts to get worse. In about two minutes it went from light rain to monsoon. And I know monsoons, I lived in Panama for six years! By the time I hit the door of the building I am soaked down to the bone. I was wearing the new Baudelairs too. Needless to say I thought it my duty to endure the soaking for the benefit of my children. That was, at least, until this morning when Malachi said to me, "Mom you're fat. I want you to stay home with me. You never stay home with me. You're fat." ............. Damned ingrates.

Beautiful But Boring Blue Baudelaires

2007-04-10T20:52:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I finally finished the Baudelaires and now I can do the second Merino Lace sock. I never thought I'd get bitten by the SSS bug but I had a serious case of it with these two pairs of socks. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that neither pattern is easily memorized and therefore I can't just pick them up, nonchalantly knit a row and then go back and do something else. I have to sit down with pattern at my tips and work on them for awhile. They are both very lovely patterns and make very lovely socks however. So here are the pics of my B5s. :

Sorry about the casper-like legs..... is o'erinn me (I am of Ireland). One battle with skin cancer is quite enough thank you. On a lighter note... I got my first letter from my Knitterly Letter Swap pal. Her name is Catherine and she's in Colorado Springs. So far, I think we're gonna get along just great. I bought some pretty stationary last week and I'll be sending out a lettert to Catherine and also to my downstream pal Kelly. Kelly's in Florida. So between the three of us, we span the country! It's pretty cool. Ok, and I sound like a complete geek. I'm not. Really. New subject. Welll I'm still the talk 'o the town at work. Ya know, if it wasn't gettin to be "that time" of the month, this crap wouldn't be so upsetting. As it is, I'm getting real sick and tired of being gossiped about for weeks on end whenever I mess up at all (be it a real mess up or just something that's personal like this latest thing). Ok, that's enough for now about that. On a happier note, I've been on a spinning kick lately. I'm finding a lot of comfort in the process and I've been experimenting with different breeds. So far I've spun Romney, Merino, Corriedale, and Blue Face Leicester. Today I picked up Morit Shetland, Jacob, and Merino/Tussah (in the most droolworthy blues ever!) I plan to order some Wensleydale and and maybe some Coopworth or Polworth if I can. I don't have any particular project in mind for the handspun right now. I'm just trying some different drafting and spinning techniques and getting a feel for what I'd like to work with most. Mostly....... I just like pretty wool in pretty colors and as long as I can get my wheel out and going the world is okay, at least for a little while.