Ever have those days when losing all sense of control and committing unspeakable acts of horror upon your co-workers seems like the swell thing to do? Me neither, just checking. But if I was to think about it today would be the day. I can't stand my office. I loathe my job and I despise my co-workers. Honestly if it weren't for the insane amount of loyalty shown to me by my boss, I would have left after the first week. I've been there two and a half years now. You'd think after two and a half years that the vipers I work with would have gotten tired of their insidious games. Nope, not these women. They are still at it. If I talk about school, I'm "pretentious and trying to sound smart/ make them sound stupid" ( like I'm physically forcing their vocal cords to spew out their ridiculousness), and if I mind my own business like I have been for the last month or so then I'm "pretentious, arrogant, and thinks she's too good to talk to us." My boss is so tired of their whining and she knows that it's pushing me to find another position sooner than we'd originally planned. She knows that once I start clinicals that I'll be working somewhere I can get on third shift or second shift. Probably back at one of the area hospitals, but this is making me re-evaluate my decision to wait to the end of summer.
What exactly is SO horrible about me that I can't seem to make friends with a majority of women? I have exactly 5 female friends that can truly be described as friends. I've asked them all and they have no clue. They think I'm an excellent friend. I've asked if I'm too bossy. The unanimous answer is no. Am I too smart? Again, no (but I do tend to use works they aren't accustomed to hearing on a regular basis). Am I ugly? Despite what my online pictures display, I'm actually not bad looking. OK then, what the hell is it? Too needy? Too distant? Too raunchy? Not raunchy enough? Too christian? Not christian enough? Too out-there? What!?!
Yeah, they couldn't help me. My husband says I'm just a "unique" personality. I know I'm stubborn, bull-headed, sarcastic, and some times I do boost my ego by using big words, but I'm also kind, patient, loving, always there to give hugs, and the kind of person who will stop what they're doing to come help you out of a jam. I frequently show my love with hand knitted items and baked goods. I cry all the time (especially around my cycle). I love every kind of creature there is and I try REALLY hard not to judge anyone, even after I get to know them. I adore people more creative than myself (hence my love/stalking of Lime and Violet) and I envy people who can just walk into a room light it up. I'm told that when I'm in a good mood I am super hilarious and I love to make people feel comfortable and welcome around me. I really are about my patients and I get really upset when my co-workers talk bad about them. I get irritated when people around me are judged by someone for the way they look or believe. I would never set myself apart from anyone because our views on politics or religion dissented. Overall I think I'm pretty decent. I know I can be bitchy and I'm sorry but for goodness sake, cut me some slack. I work two jobs and go to school full-time. I don't to see my kids, knit or spin even a tenth as much as I'd like too and all I want to do is my part to heal the wounded both physically and emotionally. Boy, it's a good thing nobody reads this blog because I'm seriously being a whiner. I know, I know, I'll suck it up.