Saturday, June 23, 2007

My Mother and Me

My relationship with my mother is complicated. My mother is a good person. She's very creative and much what they call a 'free spirit'. But my mother is my mother. And being my mother she has a tendency to piss me off more than anyone else can, with the exception of my husband. We were not very close while I was growing up. I was more of a "daddy's girl" and my brother more of "mom's boy". I've always loved her, that's never been an issue. I was fiercely defensive of her when people just didn't 'get' her or her very independent nature. I just wasn't very close to her. I didn't understand her or why she was the way that she was. I never felt that we had anything in common and that I was more like my dad. Then circumstances changed and I found myself relying on my mom a whole lot. Over the last eight years, I've gotten to know my mother a lot better. Some through actual conversation with her and some through just being a mom myself. You see, I've come to understand that the way she behaved quite often was just her being a mom. Not just my mom but A mom. Sometimes moms just have to be moms. And through talking with my mom I've gotten to know her a little better. But she still does some stuff that just irritates the crap out of me. Like automatically assuming that if I'm talking about something in an excited manner then that means that I'll be persuing it. Take for instance the possibility of my taking horse riding lessons. I was very excited about this possibility and my mom was the first person I called seeing as how a) she's my mom and, b) she used to ride and show. Her response was one of immediate dissaproval. Not of the idea itself, but of the cost given my current financial status. I was in a hurry when I called her and also got a little irritated with her so I had to end the call rather abruptly. She, of course, took this to mean I was furious with her and not going to listen to a word she said. So then I talked with my husband about it. He said that though the money looked like it would be available, it really wouldn't be given other expenses I had neglected to remember. *facepalm* Ok, well so much for THAT idea. No go. Maybe after nursing school? He agreed. But it was too late, mom was already pissed and that meant a long time of her being pissed and many future conversations with it being brought up. Then, the un-returned phone calls, and the side comments from my father about how "you've really pissed off your mom. I don't know what you did, but she's awfully upset about something." I just can't win. She's cool with my knitting as long as I'm not buying yarn. She's cool with my buying random ridiculous stuff for the boys as long as it's not for me. I love my mother. God only knows how much I love my mother. But sometimes I just want to kill her. I know the feeling is mutual and though it hurts me to say it, I'm a lot more like my mother than I will ever be willing to admit.

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