Works well independently. Doesn't play well with others.

So in today's sermon, the pastor discussed how the church (and our church especially) needs to work more on fellowshipping. He said we have too many cliques and that it needs to end and we need to learn to make new friends and love one another and be more like the Acts apostles who ate, studied, and lived with one another. In short, we need to get to know each other and stopping staying in our little cliques. Now, I'm in no way shape or form a member of a clique. I'm very anti-clique due to my upbringing. I really like the idea of tearing down walls in between people and seeing everyone get along. As long as I don't have to be actively involved in the people part. I've always been a behind-the-scenes kind of person. I really was that kid whose report card always said, "Works well indepedently. Doesn't play well with others." My dad always glossed over the latter part and praised the former. My dad was a commanding officer in the US Army and his job was counter-insurgency /anti-guerilla warfare. (You know, the stuff they make movies out of.) In his line of work, it wasn't necessary to get along well with others. He was a leader and as long as his men respected him and did as he told them, everyone came home alive. He told me that being able to work well indepedently meant I never had to rely on somone else to get my work done. So I didn't. I wish now that he would have tried to teach me how to make friends. Mainly because I don't have any anymore. The few friends I did have all moved away and now I have my husband and my kids. I have aquaintances from work and church, and they're all great. But they're not Friends. Not the kind you call in an emergency. Or the kind you know won't roll their eyes at your silly dreams or plans. Not the kind you can trust without a doubt around your husband and kids. I can't even really think of my husband as my friend. Friends aren't interested in seeing you naked all the time. He's my husband, it's not his fault. I asked him today if people thought I was a dork and he said, "It depends. Usually yes because you have interests that most people don't care about. None of the girls at church knit or spin and their eyes glaze over when you talk about it. If you talked about things that people cared about then people wouldn't think you were a dork." Screw that! Why would I want friends who didn't care about what I cared about?! Maybe I'll make friends in Nursing school. Maybe I'll make friends when I'm a doctor. Maybe I'll never make anymore friends. My mom told me I should socialize and then I would make friends. My husband tells me I'm fine as long as I'm not talking about knitting, spinning, or school. It looks like I'm going to be friendless and a dork forever then.