Still waiting on Him. Patiently

So far I haven't heard back from any of the hospitals regarding my resume with exception of one form letter stating that my resume was not selected. I know what the problem is going to be for this round. I'm overqualified to be a PCT and since I've been in the field for almost six years now, my paygrade is on the upper end of the scale. Something will come through though, I just know it. If it doesn't though, I'm prepared for that too. My gig in the ER isn't bad, I'd just prefer to work three twelves instead of five eights. I'd also prefer to use more of my nursing skills than just phlebotomy. I'm good on the phlebotomy. Really. If I could actually be starting the IVs that would be more helpful but Miami Valley Hospital's policy doesn't allow the phlebotomists to start IVs. It also doesn't allow those folks with the training for it (student nurses, paramedics, etc) to start IVs unless they are working in that capacity for the hospital (So all the student nurses and paramedics working for the lab but who aren't working for the hospital can't start the IV even when it's obvious that we could do it faster and with better accuracy than the nurse who is trying to start it.) I can't tell you how many times I've been asked by the nurse to start the IV "Just this once, I promise I won't tell." Well at least I have my interview set up at the restaurant on Monday. That is some good news as long as we can get the babysitter issues straightened out. That is another reason the three twelves would be better than the five eights. It's easier to find a babysitter to cover the shifts. Faith. I have to have faith. On the flip side.... have you seen the video for Devour by Shinedown???? All I can say is DAMN. Hot boys rocking hard. Can a girl ask for more? Ok, maybe seeing a little more of the tats and less of the hair. Btw speaking of tats, check out Nick Perri's:
Damn.

School is officially out until January 5th. I did well on all my exams and I did well overall for the quarter. Now I can relax and just worry about finding another job to pay my bills while I fork over 820 dollars a month for the next three months to pay for my school tuition. *sigh* I'm so very tired and the mere thought of having to work three jobs again is simply daunting but in all honesty... there is no other way. I'm still working on my soap business but as anyone who has started a business from the ground up knows, it's slow process. I need prayer. Lots and lots of prayer. I've put my application in for several (alright six) positions at the hospitals and one of those positions would definitely be a fighting start because they are all twelve hour shifts leaving me with two more full days off each week to do school work or work somewhere else. I put my application into the restaurant where my husband works to be a waitress part-time. If I get it at least that will be cash each night and that will help immensely. Oh Lord, help me hang in there and wait on you.

I'm not the type of knitter who can afford much of a stash. I'll be honest, I get jealous of those knitters and spinners that can afford to walk into a yarn store or go to a fiber festival and just drop loads of cash (paper or plastic) on skeins of yarn and loads of fiber. I know I shouldn't be jealous. I have so much in my life. I have beautiful children, a wonderful husband, and I was blessed ultimately with the intelligence and ability to do anything I want to do in life. I have the best parents one could hope for, at least the best parents for the type of person I am. God knows what he's doing. Never doubt that for a second. Regardless, the basic human in me still gets jealous. Of course I do. So naturally, being that I'm a knitter and a spinner, when I get jealous it's of those who have the ability to amass that which I desire to amass one day. My husband says I have a stash. It doesn't really count as a stash by most knitters definitions. It's just a few skeins of sock yarn and a couple of sweaters worth of worsted weight. You know how husbands are though, if I'm not actively knitting something out of it... I have too much. And yet, I'd just love to have a stash like that of Stephanie Pearl-McPhee or Franklin Habit or even Eunny Jang. Is it wrong to sometimes motivate myself through the tough times at school by reminding myself that when I'm making real money I can finally afford to buy some luxury yarns? Better studying with thoughts of cashmere and silk? Beats drinking and drugs any day.

Oh Goodie!

The election is over and now we will have a new president to blame the woes of our country on instead of ourselves, aren't we all happy? That being said, we can move on to the really important subjects...like Christmas is less than sixty days away! WooHoo! I just love Christmas don't you? Well maybe you don't if you don't celebrate it, but if you do don't you just love this time of year?!? It's magnificent. The decorations, the lights, the music, and not to mention the all important reason-for-the-season. (Don't start with me about how Jesus was born in September and how Christian traditions were taken from Pagan ones. Duh, this ain't my first rodeo. It's a moot point now so get over it and just grab some hot chocolate already.) It could be that I'm so especially excited about this Christmas only because it is the first break I've had in five "quarters" of school. I'm off from Nov. 20th to Jan. 5th. Yay! I get to knit. I get to spin. I get to read a book that has nothing to do with school (though some probably will anyway) and, oh yes I almost forgot, I get to work. I'm looking to pick up a part-time gig to get some money for school now that i'm paying out of pocket. It's going to be tough though because of the childcare issue but I'm sure God will work out a way. He knows we need the money. Oooooh, and I've got some fabulous new ideas to try out for the soap! I'm so excited. Just three tests and two quizzes left until the quarter is over!!!

Babbling to take a break from studying.

So here I am, taking a break from studying pharmacology and I figured I'd get a post in. I got really pissed off at the dog today. I awoke to find that she had nosed her way into a bag of mine and made quite the mess of a skein of Opal Gems sock yarn and a skein of Alpaca With A Twist Highland. They're salvageable but it's a job that will have to wait until winter break b/c it will take me an entire weekend to do. Needless to say, the dog is now staying on her chain in the kitchen if I'm the only one home and sleeping. Nobody messes with mommy's yarn. Nobody. Maybe it would not have ticked me off so much if she hadn't had two bones and a chew toy right there next to the mauled yarn. Brat. Well, like I said, it's not a crisis but it really torqued my bolts. Good news to be had though, have finished first sock of Comfy Autumn socks and have cast on for second sock. It's my own pattern and it's fairly nice so I'm quite pleased with myself. It's not my first sock pattern so I'm not bubbling with pride, just pleased. I adore Mountain Colors yarn. It's so soothing to work with. The touch of mohair softens it just right. My next projects are going to be as follows: finish the Celtic Icon hoodie, knit camo hats for both Noah and Malachi (Really it's just to test the camo-ness of the yarn to see if it will make a proper camo sweater as they both have requested. If not, the search continues for the perfect camo yarn.), mittens for both children, myself, and the husband, then onto the sweaters for the boys - in superwash wool this time (I guess two pairs of socks AND a sweater were just not enough to teach Chris to ask before throwing an item into the washer). No Christmas knitting this year, other than handknit handtowels to accompany the soap that people will be receiving. I will be making the next batch this week. I will be making milk soap AND another batch of HP. I'm so excited to try out my new fall fragrances. Yummm.

Are you thoroughly bored of this election nonsense? I am. Let's face it. The next four years are going to suck. Politicians are politicians. They will tell us whatever they think we want to hear in order to buy out votes. Both are on the change bandwagon. Change? Oh please. What a cop-out. ANYTHING other than what we have right now is going to be a change. But I'll tell you honestly, it's only going to be change of scenery. Politicians are not the answer to the problems faced by this nation. A President is not where the power resides and people fail to realize this time and again. The President is an ICON, not a moving force. Me personally? I'm voting for Vanhoofen. She's the only candidate I trust.

On a lighter note, I'm happy to report that Christmas is only 64 days away and I've learned that Christmas is indeed celebrated with gusto in the UK, Scotland included. Notice that I said with gusto and not "with the same commercial emphasis that we have here in the States." I find this comforting because I really love the Christmas season and I was concerned we'd be the only family in Scotland with Christmas lights on our house and a tree in the window. We won't. The closer I get to graduation the happier I get about me decision to go abroad. Of course, I'll have to wait for Chris to finish culinary school, but I need time to get experience under my belt before I apply to the NHS. The process to obtain a visa, a job, and get all the necessaries taken care of before pondjumping is a long one. It will be worth it though. Who knows, maybe I'll go to Oxford for medical school!

Apocalypse Now

So there I was, trying to get some sleep before my shift at the ETC tonight and I'm woke up by a loud BOOM ( along with my whole house shaking). Turns out it was a tree falling on my roof. I wandered clumsily into my living room to find the house without power and under the siege of a vicious windstorm. Trees, toys, you name it, were all flying around 'Dorothy in the tornado' style and all hell was breaking loose. At least, that's what it looked like. Ominous was as close a description as I could manage and even that didn't totally hit on the feeling one got when viewing the chaos. So we packed up the kids, the dog, and an overnight bag and hightailed it to my parents house where power and cable were still intact. The kids and the husband are camping there tonight and who knows what we'll do tomorrow. According to the paper about 200,000 are without power and the powers that be are estimating it will be 2-3 days before everyone's power is restored. To give testimony to my level of concern... I dusted off both of my wheels and placed the travel wheel snugly in her padded carrying case and had my husband put Anya in our room away from any windows. I'm not losing two of my favorite toys just because Ike wants to throw his weight around. The real shocker was when I came into work. Driving the ten miles or so to the south campus was like driving through a post-apocalyptic movie set. No lights anywhere except for car headlights and few candles burning in houses here and there. It's a complete blackout. The hospital is on emergency generator power. Most of the computers are down. The lab looks like a CDC war zone and we are filled to the brim with patients. The odd thing is I just watched the movie Doomsday this afternoon. By the way, if your contemplating rentign it....don't. What a waste of an hour and a half. Every other word was f**k and the plot was along the lines of Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (waaaaay beyond Thunderdome) meets Wrath of the Ring Wraiths. Basically it's your killer virus, '28 Days Later' esque, post-apocalyptic horror flick. Add in a little medieval flair just for the hell of it and place it in my beloved Scotland (the origin of the virus is Glasgow and they turn the whole of Scotland into a quarantined hot zone which kind of offends me though I don't know why). If you haven't seen it yet, wait until it comes out on cable, otherwise don't waste your money. It's okay for a bit of a "B" movie night. Right now I'm just wondering if I'll be able to get back to my house in the morning and whether the power will be back on. The hell of it is, I just went and bought some groceries yesterday when I got off work.

It Must Just Suck to be You

Ever wonder what possesses a person to try and make someone else's life miserable? I have a theory. I believe most of the time it's just plain old jealousy. You envy someone. You wish you could be them and then since it's obvious that you can't be them, you get pissed and so do whatever is in your power to try and make their life suck. I'm not sure if that's what's going on in my life now or what but it's obvious that someone wants to hurt me and my family. Because of them we now have a difficult situation we're facing and it's all ridiculous. Some of the people involved are acting hypocritically even while they accuse others of it and everyone involved is emotional. It's not fun. My husband could go to jail. If that happens I'm not sure what will happen with my schooling. I would probably have to stop. This may be exactly what the person wants to happen. It's an odd thing, jealousy. See, it eats at you and inspires you to do things that you normally wouldn't do. Once you do them it's too late, even if you come to your senses and realize what everyone else already knows, that whatever pain you cause won't change your life for the better. You'll still be the same sad, weak person that you always have been and eventually the people you hurt will recover and they may even find out it was you who hurt them (that is, if they don't already know.) That in and of itself may turn out quite badly for you, depending on how angry they are and how far their sphere of influence reaches. I don't know who started this whole ball rolling but I do know this; God is in control and I trust Him. I love my husband and this changes nothing. I will continue with school no matter how long it takes and we will reach our goals together. It may require relocating or cutting off ties but whatever it takes, I'm sure I can do it and still be okay. All I can say is this, "It isn't easy being me, but it must just suck to be you."

Well THAT sucks

So I went to my yearly eye appointment the other day and they had a new opthamologist working. My exam was going along fine as usual and then he got that look on his face. You know that look. It's the one your doctor gives you when something is wrong and he's working out how to tell you without freaking you out. Turns out I have a condition called Corneal Neovascularization. It's a fancy way of saying that I have veins growing down into my cornea. It happened because I used to wear my contacts for waaaaaay too long and didn't change to new lenses often enough. I also didn't clean them properly. He wasn't in a panic about them because he said the damage looked old and all but two of the veins had regressed into ghost veins which means that the condition had improved. The right eye is worse than the left and he told me if I was just anyone he'd take me out of contacts permanently but that he thought he could trust me to be compliant and so he put me on some strict contact lens restrictions. I had to switch to a lens that allowed more oxygen and was wetter because I also have dry eyes. I have to go contact lens free one day a week. I can't wear my lenses for more than 14 hours a day (less is better) . I have to change my lenses every 21 days (instead of 30) and I absolutely have to clean them every night. The good news is if I follow the instructions and be a good girl, the two remaining active veins will regress into ghost veins like the rest and I can continue to wear contacts indefinitely. If I don't, all the veins will fill back up and start growing down until they reach my pupil eventually causing me to go blind. So how was your day?

Really? I mean,.... really.

So I've made mention of these half-wits I work with before right? So the latest is that the "I have no self-esteem so I'll act like I know everything, sleep with whoever will have me, and to hell with what my kids think" gal is now going to the strip clubs, getting totally wasted and acting an ass in front of other co-workers. It's pathetic but it's also very sad. I know she has no self-esteem, but it doesn't help to keep making oneself look even more unappealing by behaving like we have no self-esteem. Hmmm.... doesn't seem an effective tactic to me at least. She'd be better off just taking a break from the manhunt and taking some time to be with her kids and get her shit together. Finding that one special person is important, but it shouldn't distract from the rest of your life. And if they really are the right person for you, you won't have to act like a desperate, drunken slut to get them to notice you. And for the love of all things good, fat girls should not be wiggling it (not even a little bit) when alcohol is involved. Trust me, I've seen the after effects (particularly in the video format - not pretty.) The only wiggling I do now is for my husband, or for the humorous benefit of the dog when I'm on the treadmill. Either way, my tailfeathers have been retired until my tail gets back down to the proper size. Oh, and one more thing... I've said it before but I feel the need to say it again with some force "JUST BECAUSE THEY MAKE IT IN YOUR SIZE DOES NOT MEAN YOU SHOULD WEAR IT." Nuff said.

Turns out exhaustion creates lots of invisible friends.

Malachi cheezing:

The ER where I'm at when I actually have time to blog. It's been nicknamed the Beverly Hills ER because it is very posh. There are flat screen tvs in every room. The rooms are huge and they look like inpatient rooms instead of ER rooms. They are about as high tech as you can get. And since it's located in a more suburban location and NOT certified to accept any trauma higher than level three, it's really not that busy. The patient populatin consists mostly of chest pain, ab pain, various other pains and a lot of other wussy complaints that really should have waited until they could get in with their family doctor. On occasion we do get real emergencies and they usually get transported to the main ER. Now THAT place is hoppin. When I work there, I don't have time to breathe, much less time to blog. But I love it. I love the atmosphere, the traumas, everything. When I work there, I actually feel like what I do matters.



I just had to include this:
I don't know why, but the other day I slept ALL DAY. And I do mean all day. Seriously. I got off work at 0730 and was in bed by 0830. I woke up at a quarter to four when my husband got home with the kids. I was up until seven-thirty and then this amazingly powerful wash of fatigue hit and I was out again. Maybe it was just that it was the first time in awhile I was able to lay in bed and cuddle with my honey. Until my period started the next day (I know TMI, but it relates so let it go) I swear I thought I was pregnant b/c that was the last time I'd experienced fatigue of that magnitude before. Well, obviously I'm not pregnant. Maybe my body just knows what's coming with this new quarter starting soon and it's resting up. On a brighter note, I only have one week left at Dayton Ear, Nose & Throat! Yayyyyy! After almost four years of bull!@#$ I think it's finally time to let go and say goodbye. One of my co-workers said, " You're going to miss this hellhole." Um,......NO. I hate even having to go in for these last few days. I've been ready to leave for the last three years, I'm not regretting my decision now. I wish I could say I was leaving it in good hands but aside from my boss coming out of retirement to clean up the clusterf--k that her replacement caused, there is no "good hands." The new people are idiots and the semi-new chick has issues, no make that subscriptions. In a word, she's flippin crazy. They are so screwed. Oh well.
So the soap thing is going well though. Still waiting on my molds to start the CP batches, but I've done three HP batches and they've all turned out really well. I just made a batch of oatmeal/cinnamon/nutmeg soap and it's ugly as sin but sinfully delightful! Speaking of sin, I have a new "sin" if that's what you can call it. I am absolutely fixated on Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. More so on Samantha. I don't know why their relationship fascinates me so much, but it does. It's really Samantha that fascinates me. She's very laid back and she seems really cool and she's absolutely hilarious to listen to in the videos she's got posted on her MySpace page. I don't know why the media is making such a big deal out of their relationship. It's not like they're the first lesbian couple in Hollywood. They haven't even officially come out with their relationship status so everyone needs to chill. I know that sounds odd coming from a Christian but I'm not one of those homophobic Christians. Nor am I into the cliche "love the sinner, hate the sin" If homosexuality truly is a sin, then it's no worse or better than being obese, smoking, or murder. Sin is sin according to God, so let it go. Besides, Jesus said, "Love one another as I have loved you." Let it be. If they're happy, let them be happy. Everyone has to live their own lives and in the end we all answer to the same judge and jury in a one-on-one session. Back to the subject, If Lindsay and Samantha are a romantic/sexual couple, it's their business and no one else's. I personally think they look very happy together and make a cute pair. Plus, Samantha seems to keep Lindsay on an even keel and she's not looked this healthy in a long time.
Anyway, so I didn't get the podcast recorded because of the knockout fatigue so I'll have to try again next week. At least I have the notes all written out!

Killer Mutant Viruses and Soap

It's over and I survived! I took my last final of Summer quarter yesterday and I'm pleased to report I passed and all is well! It was a particularly daunting Pathophysiology final but I managed to eek by and for once, eeking by is alright with me. I'd been down with a killer mutant virus for the two weeks leading up to this so studying was not an option. I was lucky to convert oxygen to carbon dioxide let alone study disease mechanisms, etiology, and pathology. I've finally recovered from that nonsense however, my voice has not. I'm one of those people who (thank God) don't get sick very often (think, like, once a year if that) but when I do, my voice is the first thing to go and the last to recover. I'm operating at about 95% right now, but I still ribbit occasionally. Hopefully I'll be completely recovered by this weekend because I'd like to record for the podcast. I've been making soap and I'm going to dye a little and I'd really like to share the experience. Plus, my kids will be with my husband and his family camping and fishing at the lake. I have to work but at least the house will be quiet. I'm making them take the dog (hehehe). Oh, God is so good to me. Not because the house will be quiet or the family gone. He just is. I just know He's going to bless my soap business and allow me to pay for school and still see my kids and husband. I really enjoy making the soap and even when the first batch turned out kind of off (my own recipe, it needs tweeking) I wasn't put off. I just did some good reading and kept on going. The second batch turned out much better and my soap cutter arrived today! Now if I can just get my soap molds.... I ordered them from an etsy seller who makes fabulous wood molds but the word is that turnaround time is atrocious. He tells to expect shipping 18-20 days after ordering. Tomorrow is day 20 for my first order. My etsy invoice still reads 'payment received' but not 'shipped'. = ( For now I've been using cavity molds but I don't like them as much. I like them but there seems to be a lot of waste scraped off. I'm saving the scrapings though, for rebatching. I'm frugal like that.

In which I have experienced a miracle first hand

I'll admit it. I didn't really believe in miracles. Not really. I believed some pretty awesome things happened to people, but I didn't truly believe in miracles for the ordinary person. That is until I was blessed with a bonafide miracle today. Well, yesterday really since as I'm writing this it is two o'clock in the morning. So anyway, I had to go to court yesterday for something that could have gone very badly for me. I've been worrying about it for a month now and everyone's been telling me not to worry b/c God was going to take care of me, but I didn't believe them. I wanted to believe them, but I just didn't. I prayed though. Oh, how I prayed. I prayed every day, several times a day. Not just asking God for help with this situation. We talked about a lot of stuff. Then I asked him for a miracle. I was even specific about what I wanted Him to do. Today He blessed me with that miracle in exactly the ways I'd specified. It would have been crazy except that I felt Him with me and I knew it was Him and I wasn't scared. I was just thankful. I truly can do nothing apart from Him.

I passed my skills midterm! WooHoo!! After spending the last week practicing sterile technique, wet to damp dressing changes, draining wound dressing changes, applying TED hose, and a myriad of bandaging techniques on my kids and stepson (he really liked letting me practice wrapping him) I took my test today and I passed with flying colors!

Photo Update On The Knitting and Spinning!

This is the finished Irish Hiking Scarf. I'm so excited to wear it. I can't wait until the weather is cold enough!

This is the Alpaca Hell One Row Victory Scarf. I went through spinner's hell to get this roving spun into a decent yarn and I'm knitting the One Row Handspun Scarf pattern by the Yarn Harlot, Stephanie Pearl-McPhee.

This is the Alpaca Hell doing a little sunbathing on the back deck. Ignore the unmowed lawn. It's been raining alot in Southwest Ohio.

The Alpaca Hell is such a well behaved little skein. Look at how prettily she wound herself up.
I'm currently on something of a Finish-It-Up kick. I've been knitting on a couple of projects for quite some time and I need to get them off the needles before beginning any new big projects. (Like the new sweater I'm swatching for. A Mirage from More Big Girl Knits) My next FIU project is my mom's Highland Triangle Shawl. I'm working on things in order of when they were started and technically my Celtic Icon Hoodie was first but it's a big project so it gets worked on along with everything else. It'll probably be the last item I finish of the list before starting the new sweater.

A Lovely Day

I was sure that when I went to bed this morning (ahem, it was around three o'clock) that I would not be getting up for church today. I was sohoooo wrong. See, the Father has his own plans and I am not capable of discerning them. His plan was for me to go to church today. I needed to be in church today. I feel so much better and, of course, that was why I needed to be there. There were quite a few messages that I needed to receive. I really am glad I went. Then we went to my folks' house for a backyard picnic. The weather was perfect and I felt so blessed to be a part of it.

See, this is why I don't get on well with other women

Why are women so competitive and catty? Why does it always have to be about who's right or wrong? Whenever you get a group of women together you can usually count on some sort of cattiness occurring and I'm so tired of it. Literally, I'm physically worn out from dealing with it. Why does it always have to be a pride thing with women, like you're somehow less worthy because you're not right all the time. This is why I have so few gal-pals. I'm not like that. At least, I make a conscious effort not to be. I've always got along better with guys and I think that's why. I really value female friendship, but not at the cost of my sanity. Especially right now. My life is just too hectic for the drama. I give all my drama to God and He handles it just fine. Today my spirits are higher than they have been for the past couple of days. I'm still fighting those demons of doubt that creep into my heart and whisper all the worst case scenarios that can occur with this legal situation of mine, but God is whispering to me too and His voice is infinitely sweeter and more soothing to my aching heart. He tells me to not grow faint and to trust in Him alone. He loves me and no matter what comes, He will be there with me and walk right by me through it all. My times are in His hands and He wants me to know it. I'm trying to be strong, but I'm only a girl and my strength is limited. I need help now and then.

So I've been doing good with eating healthy for the past couple days and then there was today. I walked into muffins and doughnuts at work and oatmeal peanut butter chip cookies at my mom's (um, yea, fresh oatmeal peanutbutter chip cookies). Can a girl get a break here!?! I did good though because I knew I had to watch the videotape of myself conducting an interview with a patient from last week's clinicals and I wasn't expecting it to be pretty. I was right. It wasn't. I was so glad I'd walked away from the muffins, doughnuts, and cookies. It also didn't help that my patient was a soldier recently back from the Middle East and hot as hell! I'm such a porker! *sniff* At least I'm working on it, right? I'm going to go shower now and try to block out the siren call of the cookies mom sent home with me for the kids and the husband. They're sitting on the counter so I had to look at them each time I went to check on the skein of handspun I was soaking. Glad to report, they're still sitting there. I need to go soak myself now and rewind that videotape.

I've been fat for eight years now. I used to be a "runner", an "athlete". Now I barely spend any time at all working out or running despite easy access to a state of the art fitness center at my university and a top-notch treadmill in my bedroom. I used to be hot. I used to feel good when I woke up. Now I'm sluggish and lethargic. I don't eat well, I don't exercise and I make excuses all day long. "I'll start tomorrow","It's my time of the month"," I don't have time." The usual. I buy Oxygen magazine every month and read it cover to cover every month. I adore Tosca Reno and Bob Kennedy. I think they are fantastic role models. I think Oxygen is the one women's fitness magazine you can really trust. The models are beautiful. They are not skinny. They are the epitome of beauty; strong, sculpted and still exuding femininity. Oxygen shows what a real fitness role model should look like. I want to be like them so badly, and yet I'm still fat. I really don't know why I keep falling off the wagon. Each time I get back on again I feel great about myself. I feel energetic and steady but then something happens and I'm thrown off. It could be a comment from someone, or seeing myself in a reflection at a bad angle, or simply having a bad day. I start feeling sorry for myself and it's all to easy to just sit there on the floor where I fell off. My husband, God bless him, doesn't help. He tells me he loves me no matter what I look like and he doesn't say a word when I yo-yo. He just loves me and he doesn't want to anger me or hurt my feelings. He really does want me to lose weight. He would find me more attractive if I was at a healthy weight, but he doesn't want to risk hurting my feelings by saying anything to make me feel like he doesn't love me and find me attractive in my present condition. I know my life wouldn't instantly improve with weight loss. I'm not foolish. I do know that if I was exercising regularly and eating well I would be better able to deal with the day to day stress and I would feel better overall. I would be more secure and more confident which would help me to relax more easily. Oh my, well, what's a girl to do?

So much has been going on in my life that I scarcely know where to begin, if I can even tell it all. First of all, school is rather nutty but going fine so far. I'm in some legal trouble right now that I'm faithful God will stand by me through AND move a mountain or two if need be. I'm having a lot of problems because of it though. Financial, of course, and emotional. I feel like right now everything is somehow related to this business. I have a small ulcer that is probably much bigger by now (at least it feels like it from all the pain I've been having) thanks to the stress. I'm keeping a positive outlook, but sometimes I just want to cry. I feel so overwhelmed and if I didn't have God and my family to turn to I'd probably be in a ditch somewhere. God, I really don't want to go to jail. I really don't want my kids to have to suffer through that. I really don't want to mess up my schooling, and my future. It was a stupid mistake but I've since done all that can be done to correct it so it's in your hands now and there's nothing I can do about it except pray for a miracle. I know I'm a little emotionally on edge right now, so it must seem like everything is more painful, but tonight at work everyone just seems to be feeling hateful and I'm walking away every few minutes so that I don't start crying. I want my babies so I can hold them. I just want to disappear.

I Have a Podcast

Yes. I am a sheep, but I'm a sheep who loves to talk and has something to say. Trust that it will improve with time and usage, but for now I'll update when I can.

So I managed to make it through the two ridiculous intro nursing classes okay and I'm now on to the "real" nursing classes. We're talking classes with clinicals. I know that I'll barely be able to remember my own name now much less do a lot of blogging so I'm kind of glad that nobody reads my blog anyway. Less to dissappoint. Anywho, aside from podcasting every so often I'm going to be forced into the books and when I have time to breathe I'll be knitting or spinning. What a ride though eh?

Pictures and That's All.

The Danku Blanket: Patons Classic Merino in Natural Mix. Pattern is SerenityMore Danku Blanket
Nutkin Sock: Lisa Souza in Emerald City
Shylo. Blurry as usual because I can't get her to sit still for a digital shot. Might have to try 35mm.

The Craziness Will Continue, Indefinitely.

When I thought I had a crazy life, I was grossly understating. My life is psychotic. This is no ordinary level of crazy. This is full on straight jacket, leather restraints, me-and-Stephen King-finally-understand-one-another kind of crazy. I'm so wiped out I can hardly see straight. I've still managed to get some knitting in each day even if for no more than five minutes. I think this is what is keeping me from completely going over the edge. Then the owner of my local fiber shop suggests a sock designing contest to me. Bless her heart, how in the world am I going to find time to design a sock? I'm just now getting to the heel turn of the Aquaphobia socks I've been working on all quarter. I'm on the last repeat of the center triangle for my mom's Highland Triangle and I'm through the first ball of yarn on the Serenity Blanket that I'm knitting for my friend Robyn. I'm currently spinning some alpaca that I picked up at last years Upper Valley Fiber Festival and I hate it. It's poorly carded and full of VM. It has some black fiber carded throughout it that is unable to be drafted so it ends up either pulled out prior to spinning or pull off as a slub forms. Either way it's a giant nuisance. I won't be purchasing fiber from these folks again. I did manage to finish yet another skein of three-ply bfl. That takes me two three total counting the corriedale blend. *Sigh* I love spinning so much! Between spinning and knitting, I need no other hobbies. I still love my photography though and my writing, but if I had to give them up I could. I would be certifiable if I had to give up my spinning and knitting though. It just wouldn't do.

Disappointed

It's not really my nature to follow things like soap operas and tv shows, but I am known for getting hooked into series of books (Harry Potter, Outlander, etc.) and movies. Recently (ok, for the past year and a half) I've been hooked on following Podcasts like Lime'N Violet, Cast On, and Sticks and String. David Reidy has never disappointed me but lately the other two have. I can't even really put my finger on what happened or when, but it seems like Cast On has devolved, Phil Donahue-esque, into Brenda Dayne's soapbox and narcissistic launchpad. LNV has always been a little on the silly side but now with Lime only making random appearances and Carin sitting in her stead, it has become rather ridiculous. I still listen to LNV b/c no matter how silly they are I still love them and want to give them cookies... and stuff. Cast On, oth, is no longer in my que. It's just not interesting anymore. Brenda isn't funny to me anymore and as of late she sounds more and more full of herself and more and more whiny. Sticks and String seems to be going along just fine, if not better so every Sunday I eagerly log on to iTunes after church and upload the new episode. I have found some different podcasts that I enjoy tuning into now. They are: Stitch It!, Knit Naturally, Faery Knitting, Hip Tranquil Chick, and Diva Knitting, oh and let's not forget the Knit Picks podcast. I've been a loyal KP customer ever since my first catalog and I really enjoy Kelly's podcasts. I've been told by some local podcasters that I know from work that I would make a good podcaster (at least that my voice is good for casting) but that would have to wait until the summer if it were to happen at all. It's not that it's expensive, it's just very time consuming and I don't have that kind of time right now. Speaking of time, I have had a little more open up now that I'm finished with one of my classes. I still have two Finals to take next week but for now I have a little more time each day to get at least a few rows in. I haven't been able to spin much but I'm looking forward to getting back to the wheels and spindles after my last final. Dad is feeling really beat down right now so cover him in prayer.

You Just Gotta Believe

These are images that should help calm me down. Scotland..... ahhhhh. But unfortunately I can't send them to my dad, who at this time, is way more stressed out than I am. My dad is strong though and I'm positive he will edure. It's not easy being my dad, or my mom for that matter. I've never been an easy child to parent. The words supportive parents takes on a whole different context when it refers to my parents.

It's not that I enjoy them supporting me, I really don't. But having been the difficult child that I was, I've made some really stupid mistakes that have put me at a disadvantage otherwise and being the beings of love and light that they are..... they come to my rescue whenever they are able too. I'm slowly getting stronger on my own two feet, but it's been a long time coming and they are getting tired of waiting. I'm praying that a new job will help tip the scales in their favor but as I've said before that is in God's hands now. It will come though. I've just gotta believe.

Snow

Yesterday it started snowing. It kept snowing. It's still snowing. So far we've gotten over five inches and it looks like we'll top out at about eight to ten. Not spectacular, but it's fun to see nonetheless. This is the view when I open my back door.



This is what it looks like when I open my front door. That's not a drift either, it's how high the snow is on my front porch.

Maybe not.....

Doesn't look good for the University Hospital position after checking on the STNA thing. I'd have to take a refresher course and then take the test. Now, the gal who called me is checking with staffing to see if the STNA thing is a deal breaker, but I'm thinking it's probable a no-go. God willing it's not, but if it is then I know it just wasn't His will for me to have the job and there will be a better suited position for me elsewhere or perhaps down the road. No worries. If God be for me... who can be against me? Tonight whatever else this day had brought, I will knit and have a beer. I plan to spin a little on Anya as well. We're expecting this ginormous snow storm to start in tonight but knowing our local weather people... we'll barely get a dusting. A huge storm would be swell b/c I'd really like a day to just chill, knit, spin, read, and hang out. Well, we'll see.

Pray for Me

I got a call I'd been waiting for today. I have an interview at University Hospital in Cincinnati on Tuesday the eleventh. I'm super excited but also super nervous. If God wants me to get this job I know I will, but I'm going to do everything possible to sell myself. The obstacle I face in that I never took the State Test for Nurse Aide after I finished the class and it's been too long now, I believe, for me to take it. I finished the class in the winter of 2005 and you only have two years to take the test before you have to retake the class. This could be a big problem but let's pray that it will all work out in my favor. This is a third shift, full-time position at a wonderful hospital and it seems to be the job that I've been praying for. I really hope this works out.

Running low on my Mojo

So I've spent the last few days seeing about what extra studying I could do to prepare for this test over the Respiratory system/Water & Electrolytes/Acid-Base balances. It's incredibly hard and incredibly boring. I am systematically drawn to the conclusion that there is no way on earth to make this stuff fun to learn. I absolutely detest it and have decided that no matter how much I try to study it, it's all going to flow right out of my head as soon as I close my eyes and I'm going to fail the test. But I'm okay with that b/c everyone else is in pretty much the same boat. Good news to report. We found a little house to rent and are moving in shortly. It's very small but hey, that's just less for me to clean and believe me that is a good thing b/c I dislike cleaning with a passion. Another bit of good news, a wonderful benefactor has bestowed on me a new spinning wheel! Yes, it's awesome isn't it? I was discussing how I wanted to try a Saxony style wheel and she said "Well, I've got this nice wheel sitting in a box in my garage. It's a few years old and it's a walnut finish, but you might like it." Um......ya think?!? (And believe me, it's that one price that you can't beat but I promised I wouldn't spread it around b/c she's afraid the manufacturer's would get wind and give her crap about it, so this is all I'll say about that.) So I came by the next night on my way home from school and picked it up. It took my husband two hours to put it together! No wonder she wanted to get rid of it. It's quite lovely though and it spins just beautifully. I can't say the name of the manufacturer (again, I promised) but I'll just say that I've named her Anya after her native region. God blesses me in the strangest ways sometimes, but I'm certainly not complaining. I have an interview tomorrow as well for a third shift position with a lab. If I remember correctly, the last time I interviewed with them the pay wasn't that great and that's why I turned them down, but at the time I had no experience either and it was nearly five years ago so maybe the payscale went up. We'll see. If it's the job God wants me to have, I'm sure I'll know. I really really need a new job. The further along I get in my schooling, the less tolerable I become of my current employement. My co-workers are frustrating me more and more and I'm starting to dread going to work. That's pretty bad considering I have the easiest job in the world. I know that I always get low in Winter quarter, but I'm getting down right depressed. This quarter sucks and tomorrow I'll be flunking a test. I need a recharge or something. I can't manage anything more that perfunctory knitting d/t time constraints so I've been doing a lot of work on the socks for my Dad's upcoming birthday. I managed to finish another skein of three-ply out of some leftover Corriedale roving I had and I think I did well. I'll post pictures if I remember to take any. I'm tired. So I'll be going to bed now. Good night mom and dad. I love you too.

Roses help, but Thorazine would help more.

Ok, my last post is proof of why I should never be allowed near a computer when I have PMS. Seriously. "Why doesn't anyone like me? Waaahhh, waaahhh, waaahhh!" Oh puh-leeze. I want to tell myself to shut the hell up. So anyway, back to reality. We're house hunting right now b/c the parents will be moving back into their house on March 1, so we need to find a place by then. Today we looked at a couple of possibilities, but I just don't know. The biggest problem we have is the DH. He's got a felony record and it's for a charge that (wrong as it was and despite the fact that it's under review for a Governor's pardon) folks don't like to see on an rental application. If we were in a position to buy a house that would be so much better, but alas we are not. We will be in five years, but that's five years and we need a place by March 1. So it's in God's hands now along with my job situation. Because of the emotional rollercoaster I've been on as a result of all this, DH bought me roses in my favorite pink-orange shade:

Works well independently. Doesn't play well with others.

So in today's sermon, the pastor discussed how the church (and our church especially) needs to work more on fellowshipping. He said we have too many cliques and that it needs to end and we need to learn to make new friends and love one another and be more like the Acts apostles who ate, studied, and lived with one another. In short, we need to get to know each other and stopping staying in our little cliques. Now, I'm in no way shape or form a member of a clique. I'm very anti-clique due to my upbringing. I really like the idea of tearing down walls in between people and seeing everyone get along. As long as I don't have to be actively involved in the people part. I've always been a behind-the-scenes kind of person. I really was that kid whose report card always said, "Works well indepedently. Doesn't play well with others." My dad always glossed over the latter part and praised the former. My dad was a commanding officer in the US Army and his job was counter-insurgency /anti-guerilla warfare. (You know, the stuff they make movies out of.) In his line of work, it wasn't necessary to get along well with others. He was a leader and as long as his men respected him and did as he told them, everyone came home alive. He told me that being able to work well indepedently meant I never had to rely on somone else to get my work done. So I didn't. I wish now that he would have tried to teach me how to make friends. Mainly because I don't have any anymore. The few friends I did have all moved away and now I have my husband and my kids. I have aquaintances from work and church, and they're all great. But they're not Friends. Not the kind you call in an emergency. Or the kind you know won't roll their eyes at your silly dreams or plans. Not the kind you can trust without a doubt around your husband and kids. I can't even really think of my husband as my friend. Friends aren't interested in seeing you naked all the time. He's my husband, it's not his fault. I asked him today if people thought I was a dork and he said, "It depends. Usually yes because you have interests that most people don't care about. None of the girls at church knit or spin and their eyes glaze over when you talk about it. If you talked about things that people cared about then people wouldn't think you were a dork." Screw that! Why would I want friends who didn't care about what I cared about?! Maybe I'll make friends in Nursing school. Maybe I'll make friends when I'm a doctor. Maybe I'll never make anymore friends. My mom told me I should socialize and then I would make friends. My husband tells me I'm fine as long as I'm not talking about knitting, spinning, or school. It looks like I'm going to be friendless and a dork forever then.

I got an 89 on the test. So apparently I didn't bomb too bad. All's well that ends well I suppose. Now if I can just get a new job, all will be on it's way.

The Swirling Vortex of Scantron

So there I am, cruising along through my test happily filling in those atrocious little bubbles and then I hit the last twenty questions. At first it was just one question. I wasn't completely sure of the answer so I went with my gut instinct. Then it was two questions, then three. Soon I was questioning every answer. Do I know this? Am I sure? Do I know any of this crap?!? I walked out of the room completely numb and sure that I tanked the test. I won't know until tomorrow at the earliest, but until then I will mourn the loss of my GPA. I will go home and read a little bit in my Bible, and then I will knit a sock. Because when all else fails God and wool will make it all better.

Pictures of Poo and Doggie Gladiators

So I'm taking a few minutes away from my studies to post some pictures. Let's begin with my dog. Shylo is easily in the running for first pick if American Gladiators wants to add a dog to their squad. Look at how buff my baby puppy is!
This is how far I've gotten in the Philosopher's Wool Colour Your Own kit. I'm not coloring anymore until I get a 16 inch Addi Turbo US 8. The two circs method isn't working well for this sleeve and I'm getting some awkward stiffness at the joins.
This is how the inside of the cuff looks after I tried to sew in most of the loose ends. Kind of resembles poo doesn't it?
The three-ply I spun as a trial run for the yarn I'm going to spin for Dad's gansey. It's been re-washed and re-skeined.
Malachi sleeping. Awwwww. Noah sleeping. Awwww.

They grow so stinking fast! I am soooooooooooo blessed aren't I?

Sometimes I get really jealous. I see couples who've been together as long as my husband and I and they are as much in love as day one. I want that. There are days when I look at him and wonder wtf I'm still doing with him.

I wound all twelve skeins of yarn up for the Philosophers Wool sweater. Now I just need to finish off the first of the two Endpaper Mitts. I'll be doing that here in a minute. Then I can spin a little fiber and then cast on! Yes folks, tonight is fiber-reward for doing well on the test. I'm wasting precious fiber time.

I've spent the majority of the day studying Nutrition. I say studying loosely. What I've really been doing is studying the mechanics and science of nutrition and memorizing the rest. I don't hold with what the FDA and the USDA shove down the pipes as "nutrition". I'm tired of the food pyramid changing to correspond to whatever lobby group has paid the govt. the most money. Don't misunderstand me. I love farmers and ranchers. I wholeheartedly promote the practice of buying from local farmers and ranchers. My husbands family raise black Angus cattle. Someday my husband dreams of owning his own farm/ranch (a hobby to be sure, with maybe a little profit from local sales) I don't condone big business agriculture, genetic tampering with animals or plants, or a govt that's in bed with pharmaceutical companies pushing food down our throats that is contributing to heart diseases, diabetes, and cancer. The govt brushes over the importance of exercise as a legal disclaimer and tells us we need to eat more carbs and if our cholesterol or sugar is high we can take Lipitor or Glucophage. I'm not a carb hater. The human brain's preferred source of energy is glucose. The human brain. Not the rest of the body. The rest of the body prefers protein as it's primary source of energy. I favor a controlled carbohydrate diet. Not a no-carb diet. Not a steak, eggs, cheese, and bacon diet. My diet consists of quality carbohydrates from a variety of raw or steamed veggies, lean proteins, and an assortment of seeds, nuts, some milk products, and berries. That's a controlled/low -carb diet folks! Seriously. Read the science. It's out there in real medical journals. Peer -reviewed medical journals. Doctors are wising up. It's a slow change, but it's coming. The doctor I work for has been prescribing this diet for over forty years. It's been used to get patients healthy for at least a hundred years. I can't make this stuff up, it's true. Do you want to know the roots associated with what ails Americans today? We're lazy, we smoke, we eat crap, we want convenience and we think taking a pill or having gastric bypass is easier, and...we watch entirely too much stinking television. I've fallen victim to these vices too. I was a healthy weight in 1999 when I became pregnant with my first child. I was running 3 - 5 miles a day, but that was the only healthy thing I did. I also smoked a pack a day, drank a lot, did drugs, had promiscuous sex, ate junk food if I remembered to eat at all...the list goes on. I was messed up! Then I was blessed with another chance. My pregnancy gave me a chance to changes my ways. I quit smoking. I didn't drink. That was it. I ate like it was going out of style and I ate junk food. I quit running too. I gained 100lbs. I went from a 10 to a 26. My weight led to complications in my pregnancy. I was already destined to have preeclampsia, but my excess weight gain also added hypertension to that. Now preeclampsia is already a disease of hypertension, add an extra 100 lbs and things don't look good at all. I was forced to go into the hospital two weeks early b/c my blood pressure was 210/100. My son was delivered via c-section without any further complications (I've left out a whole bunch). I went home and dealt with the backlash for the next six months. After awhile I was determined to get back in shape. My son was almost three and I was steadily losing weight and running again. Then I got pregnant again. This time was better. I ate better. I tried to exercise. It was great for awhile. Then the preeclampsia hit again and I had to rest. It was hard but everything turned out ok. I managed to only gain 30lbs this time. My boys are 8 and 4 now and I've just now begun to seriously address the weight gain. My goals for 2008 are clear and concise. I won't list them b/c they are of a more personal nature than I am comfortable journaling about at this time. Perhaps later after a few have been cemented and I'm in a more secure place emotionally. Let's just say that two years ago I was doing really well and had lost fifty of those pounds. I've since gained 25 back. I'm still 25 ahead but it's going to take some time to recoup those.

Update on the Color Key

Sheree from PWC emailed me and said she'd fax me the color key! Awesome. Now I'm going to practice the twisting described in the book and see if I can do it without it being too tight. Wish me luck. I'm so tired I can't see straight and yet, every time I lie down to nap I wake right back up. Sucks.

Yarn Arrives From California and The Dog Ate My Pattern

So I got the missing skein of yellow from Philosophers Wool, but the new color key was missing. This wouldn't be a problem except that the dog ate the color key I received with the original kit and now I would have to figure out all the colors on my own based on the pattern in the book. I'm two weeks into Winter quarter at university and with two jobs, school, and two very active sons, I would just really love to not have to do that. So I emailed Eugene to let him know the yarn arrived and to ask for a new color key, relaying the above reasons why. All I want to do is knit the sweater without having to think too hard. I have to think hard enough at school and while studying. Knitting is my pleasure and I don't want it to become too much of a hassle
This is me mastering the two-handed stranded technique:


Pardon the parted hair, I'd just come home from work (as you can probably tell from the white pants.)

Pictures and Lovin

The infamous Shedir:
Shylo the wonder dog:
A sunrise over my office:

My first attempt at a three-ply yarn for the gansey I plan to knit for my dad:
Jamieson & Smith yarn to make the Cunningsburgh Gloves: The kiddles in their Lucha Libre masks (I hate this pattern):

Again with the wonder dog. See why I couldn't leave her?:
A sunrise I captured on the way to work. HE does good work doesn't HE?:

I love my life. I don't really have anything specific to highlight, but I really do love my life. I love that I am an mostly independant thinker. I love that I have a lifestyle that is now imbued in almost every way with wool. I love that I have a strong mind and a strong body. I love how I feel when I'm running and I love even more how I feel at the end of a long run. I love having sex with my husband. I love playing with my kids and my dog. I love studying a fascinating subject. I love spinning at my spinning wheel and with my spindle. I love dreaming about the Woolee Winder I will order in another eleven weeks. I love learning new knitting and spinning techniques. I love chocolate. I love a good drink. I love weight training. I love the way I feel the day after weight training. I love Scotland and dreaming about going to Scotland. I love Ireland and dreaming about going to Ireland. I love my parents. I love my brother. I love more than I can possibly ever write down. I love sheep. I love wool.

In which I rant about my co-workers and a Philosopher gives me a pep talk about my knitting.

Today I received my Color Your Own kit from Philosophers Wool Company. I was so excited when I got the box I couldn't wait to open it. When I did, I was a little let down. The kit they sent me was for this:



What I ordered was this: I know you may not be able to tell the difference in these two patterns but let me tell you what it is. Yellow. The kit I received was the Fire colorway. The kit I ordered was the Fire - with Yellow. That color that looks almost like white in the second picture...that's the yellow. At first I thought about just letting it go. I told myself that it's just one color so I should just not worry about it. But as the afternoon went on, I just kept looking at the pictures and it just wasn't going to happen. I had my heart set on the sweater with the yellow. Both are beautiful, but I really wanted that yellow. Heart in the basement thinking I would have to send the kit I'd waited so long for back, I picked up the phone and dialed Philosophers Wool. A very pleasant man answered the phone. When I explained the problem he replied, "Oh shoot! Well, so then let's see, what you need is the yellow." He said he'd call Sue and get it right out to me. I asked if I could also get a new color key as the one I had was just for the Fire colorway without the yellow and he said that wouldn't be a problem but then went on to tell me that I could go ahead and start the sweater anyway b/c I wouldn't use the yellow for awhile and really, I didn't need the color key at all. He said that was the beauty of the Color Your Own, you could decided where you put what color and it always comes out great. "On my sweater the sleeves don't even match up but it still looks great." (This should have been a clue.) As we concluded our business I asked whom I was speaking with (I'm in medicine, I always get the name of who I spoke with.) It was Eugene himself! I'd been chatting with Eugene Bourgeois. Awesome. So, if you ever want to order from a great company who makes great wool in fabulous colors and contribute to keeping up conscientious buying practices, go to http://www.philosopherswool.com/ They are great and the customer service can't be beat. Who knows....Eugene may just be the one who answers the phone. Or Anne.

Now, on to my rant about my co-workers. I don't engage in workplace gossip, much. On occasion I find that I need to vent about certain things or certain people. I work in a good size office. On my team are 4 MAs, 2 LPNs, and 3 RNs. I am one of the MAs. It is a point of contention in the office as to what your "rank" is as far as your schooling despite the only difference in our jobs being that the RNs are the only ones who do IV therapy (LPNs can D/C an IV, but can do little else with them in our office.) We give allergy shots and do allergy testing. We call in prescriptions and we assist the physicians when they need us. The MAs are trained phlebotomists (one of our RNs is too as that is what she did while going to school) the others are not. The MAs are also trained to do a few more procedures than the LPNs are. MAs however, are not licensed. MAs can be certified but this is not important. LPNs (at least in my office) are a bit snooty about the licensing part of their titles. They are essentially MAs with a license. They go to school for the same amount of time, do the same kinds of clinicals and do almost the same jobs. And you can't tell them that an MA is not their peon on the work ladder. One LPN in my office is really bad about this. She tends to piss me off more than the rest but I keep it to myself b/c I don't want to make her feel bad. It is a bit cathartic to be able to write it down here though, especially after a day of her primping and driving me crazy with the "Princess" act she pulls. I actually had to spend almost an entire afternoon the other day listening to a discussion between her, the other LPN, and the new girl discussing the virtues of beige vs. white underwear (we have to wear white pants Mon-Fri), and how you can never find any cute work pants at Wal-Mart b/c they were all elastic waist and straight leg instead of the trendy kind. I bit my tongue from saying, "I buy my work pants at Wal-Mart b/c they are cheap, good quality, not see through (another point they were discussing, hence the underwear debate), and comfortable. And I'm not concerned with impressing anyone while I'm at work. " As long as my uniforms are clean, pressed, and professional looking who cares if they're trendy? Who the hell exactly are they trying to impress. They did ask me about the underwear and I replied, "Frankly I don't spend any time looking at any of your butts so I assume you don't look at mine. I wear white briefs and I buy them at Wal-Mart in the six pack b/c I prefer to spend my money on more important things." They actually admitted that they bought their work underwear at Victoria's Secret and thought it was a good deal to get five pair for twenty-five dollars! You could make an entire sweater for that much. Why on earth would you spend that much money on stuff you're going to fart on? Frankly even when I was skinny I never shopped at VS (except for once when I had a gift card) for underwear. I buy their perfume and sometimes their lip gloss but my fun panties come from Target or Wal - Mart. Maybe I was raised with more sense. Or maybe I'm just more secure with myself and therefore don't need to impress people by spending too much money on work uniforms and underwear. Well, to each their own. It's crazy to spend twenty-five dollars on a skein of hand-dyed sock yarn to these people (not that I tell them I spend this much) but honestly, it takes me about two to three weeks to make a pair of socks and that's when I'm not in school so I get a lot of mileage out of those twenty-five dollars. These are the same people whose lives revolve around the TV, use their treadmills as a clothes rack but spend thirty dollars a month tanning and on a gym membership they rarely use, and if they see the inside of a church spend the service thinking about themselves and/or what they plan to do after the service. Am I better? No, of course not. I have my many faults too. I just needed to rant a bit.

Bon Jovi Said It Best

Keep the Faith. That's what you have to do in this life. "Faith is my beacon of hope" is what is inscribed on the back of the Thomas Kincade lighthouse pendant that my boss gave me for Christmas this year. I've been lax about that recently. I've slid into the "God, where are you?" attitude. In short, I've been throwing a spiritual temper tantrum. I know that God has not abandoned me. I know that He does not put me into situations that I cannot either; glean new strength and understanding from or grow in my faith and relationship with him. I trust my Father. I also trust my dad and he was the first person to say to me, "Beck, things aren't always going to be easy. You aren't always going to understand the big picture. Keep your faith in God and He will come through for you. You just have to believe." I do believe. I love my Father and I know that He loves me. No enemy can take that and no thing can make that not true. Keep the Faith people. He'll come through for you.

So I will soon be venturing into stranded knitting territory. Oh, I've done a bit of it here and there, but nothing that can actually be considered real stranded knitting. I don't say Fair Isle b/c, well, I'm not on Fair Isle and I've seen how some folks can get really upset with the specifics of things concerning nationalism. Anywho, my Color Your Own kit in Fire (with yellow) is on it's way from Philosophers Wool and should be here on the 14th. It was originally supposed to arrive on the 11th, but apparently there's been a delay. I'm not sure when my Schoolhouse Press order will arrive as they do not mail out tracking numbers and there is no link on the website to check on your order (most frustrating). I had to call Knit Picks with a complaint again. It seems like every couple of orders, I have to call them. With the first order I had to call about a bad cable in my Options set. Then once I had to call about a bad circular needle. This time I had to call about a bad dpn. Now, each time I've called they've simply asked what was wrong and sent me out a replacement FOC. Theirs is quite possibly the most lovely customer service department I have ever had to deal with. No hassles, no lengthy determining of who's fault it was, just tell us what the problem was and we'll fix it. This is why I do a lot of my knitting business with them; good wool, good selection, great book prices, great yarn prices, and a fabulous customer service department. Now.....if we can just get Kelly to add a spinning selection and catalogue. I've looked and pondered and finally decided to purchase a Woolee Winder. It won't be for awhile what with the husband out of work and all, but it will happen. Probably this summer when I can work more hours. Sooner if a new job comes through soon. I will really enjoy my spinning much more when I don't have to stop all the time to move the yarn to the next hook! Well, I should be set for projects until summer when I'll have more money to buy yarn.

Jesus Is Coming....Aim For The Head!

Hahahahahahaha! I'm sorry but I just listened to Lime 'n Violet's fiftieth episode and I was just cracking up when Lime said that. If people raze her about it, they are just too uptight. Frankly, I plan to tell the story to my pastor. I think he'll find it amusing. This is the man who did an entire series entitled, "Madder Than Hell." Well, the Shedir is almost done. I plan to get on it when I finish typing this. I bought the Patons for the boy's Lucha Libre masks. I was so psyched when I went in to buy it and it was all on sale. I love Patons. I know people look down on it because you buy it at the Big Box stores, but I really like it. I just wish it came in more colors. But I also like Knit Picks Wool of the Andes and Cascade 220 so it's not like I'm at a loss for selection. Well, onto the knitting!